Welcome to Reno! Home of the Homeless!

As usual all things Reno, Nevada interest me. Many times they disgust, amuse, nauseate and confuse me as well. Reno has been my home for six years. Investigating the city has proven far less taxing than digging up the backyard. For body disposal. The neighborhood children dig me –no pun intended- because they get to play in the dirt and use the big rusty shovels while their parents are all still at work. It’s for the kids!

Anyway, there is apparently some kind of depression going on in the country. So I thought it would be interesting (disgusting, amusing nauseating and confusing) to see what Reno has to offer YOU.

Besides being an hour away from fabulous skiing, boasting the Truckee River with   great swimming and kayaking, and a host of (dying) Casinos.

Let’s go!

1.      We have fewer foreclosed homes than Las Vegas

2.      Nevada’s budget gap is worst in nation – next year’s revenues will pay for only 45% of this year’s budget. Reno will be Number One in receiving less funds.

3.      Reno is only 20 minutes from the state capitol, Carson City. This is where the governor’s mansion and capitol building reside. Our last governor spent an average of less than 12 days out of every nine weeks in Carson City. He spent most of his time in Las Vegas. When he did come to town he was consistently caught with strippers and other high class women. Come on isn’t this great? Would you want a politician spending all of his time so close to you? I’m pretty sure his wife was happy. 

4.      Reno is projected to have The Worst housing market in the US and has been voted one of the Thirteen National Housing Markets that will never recover. This was posted on Business Insider. Don’t worry. Las Vegas is listed as well. Go Nevada!

5.      Nevada is Number One in unemployment. I’d like to personally thank Reno for their part in encouraging fast food franchises and chain stores, while taxing the living hell out of start-up businesses. Don’t ask me how I know this.

6.      Reno WAS the divorce capital of the world. Damn. We lost this one in the 60’s.

7.      It is against the law in Reno to place a bench in the middle of the street. Yes this is still on the books and a fine law it is.

8.      Burning Man. Need I say more. Actually, this is the only positive thing I could find to place on this list.

9.      Reno is the original home of the Harrah’s gambling empire. This means we’re Number One in helping instigate the formation of Gamblers Anonymous.

10.

Well the guy who lives next to me in my duplex is outside playing the banjo. Again. Seriously. And it’s barely above freezing out there. Time to hit the basement and get that shovel sharpened. Come children!

~Miss R

Day Two: I Fall Down Go Boom

Let’s say you’re heading downhill at a rapid clip on a steep-ass mountain face, and you feel yourself lose control of a ski. Do you know what happens almost concurrently? Your stomach careens out of control as well.

Luckily for this writer there were no injuries incurred. I was covered in snow from pigtails to boots, and had to attempt the amusing crab-walk-thingy-sideways-uphill-movement to retrieve a pole, but other than that no worries.
Jesus. It happened on a steep run but not a seriously difficult run. Grrrrrrr.

It’s one of those things you’d like to blame on an inanimate object, the weather, an ex-husband (see inanimate object for further details), or a deity.
In my case it was Operator Error.
I hate it when that happens.
Not a rock, or ball of ice or some kid slamming into me or even crossing skis.
Nope. Just fucked up somehow.

I go through a lot of life this way.
Wanting to blame outside influences for the falls and bruises but ultimately realizing that someplace along the line I’ve made a damned mistake.

It’s a great day when the worst to befall you is winding up ass deep in snow, face wet, gloves full of ice and feeling foolish.
Yep. A fine day indeed.

~Miss R

Currently listening:
Monty Python’s Spamalot (2005 Original Broadway Cast)
By: Eric Idle
Release date: 03 May, 2005

Skiing with The Goddess Rachael

So I finally got in the first skiing of the season.
Oh sure you scoff. You say ‘Why Rachael! The season will be over in another three weeks.’
This may be true. Actually it is.
Fiddle De Dee.
Today was spec-fucking-tacular.

Figured out how to use the ‘ski bag’ option on the Audi and it’s pretty spiffy.
You open a panel in the back seat and a ski length rubber/plastic tube rolls out. It extends through the middle of the backseats. Your skis don’t drip water all over the car and you have the entire cargo area for boots, jackets, bags, chainsaws and body parts.

Coolness. No wrestling the back seats down or manhandling the skis and poles onto the roof. I like.

This is my first year without a season pass at Mt. Rose, making the pastime of skiing hard on the wallet. So, it’s a good thing I didn’t have a vehicle or any cash until late in the season after all. Flying Spaghetti Monster works in strange and mysterious ways.
Similar to myself.

Started off on a green run to make sure I was still as spastic as last year. Check.
Took the next run a bit faster, then by the third run was working on style (it’s a way of doing!) and by the fourth was almost up to speed.
By the fifth run of the morning I was flying. I felt like a Goddess of the Snows.

I forgot that there’s something I’m actually good at.

A feeling of euphoria and perfect happiness comes when your body, mind, heart and soul are in sync.
It is the moment when body goes on auto-pilot and mind catches the sights and feelings without working on the mechanics of the act.

It’s difficult to articulate.
To paraphrase the Supreme Court… ‘I know it when I feel it.’

For me it only happens with skiing and playing music.

Today I felt that total integration. The sheer joy. I laughed and cried and grinned like a fool.
It’s my religion and spiritual path. Thankfully church was virtually deserted and I had the place to myself.

By the last few runs I had the iPod cranked to 11 and was scaring the crap out of the boarders on Kit Carson and the Slide side back bowl.

I’m screaming down that last run singing along at the top of my lungs and purposely kicking up snow when I carve….

‘OH IT’S NOT THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE COCAINE… I’M THINKING THAT IT MUST BE LOVE!’
Am pretty sure some guy mouthed ‘who the fuck was that bitch with the braids screaming Bowie tunes?’

Well that about covers my morning. Will be back up there again tomorrow. There are Black Diamonds to conquer and it’s Ladies Day;  a lift ticket is $19.00. Cheap cheap cheap.
Also similar to myself.

Tonight I’m gonna cuddle up with a big bottle of ibuprofen and a heating pad. The quads are already screaming in agony.
Oddly enough my past week at the gym hasn’t made up for missing the previous 6 months of work-outs.
Go figure.
I like the burn, and after all… Pleasure is the child of pain.

~Miss R

Snow? Shirley you jest….

The Good News:
There is snow this morning. Lots of snow.
A lumpy yet smooth white coating on my patio table and chairs. It has made the bicycle an abstract work of white glistening art. It’s gonna be a powder day. Mt. Rose is open.
There is plenty of food here at Chez Noir. Thanks to ~B I cleared up a little debacle at Nevada State bank.
There’s music here too. I can make it or listen to it or burn it.

The Bad News:
Have no way to get to Mt. Rose. See above description of bike. You already know about the truck –rolls eyes-.
There is no money for a lift ticket. See above description of bank.
Um I’m still alive and was not struck stupid or dead in the night.

Some days this is as good as it gets.
Or as bad.
Yesterday I rode over 15 miles on my bike doing errands. In the friggin rain. Only wiped out once. Right into traffic on Virginia… BOOM SPLAT OUCH.
Great. Was wearing my only pair of sweats, which are now ruined.
Or air-conditioned in the knee area depending on if you’re some kind of fucking optimistic cretin or a pragmatist such as myself.

On that note here’s your affirmation for the day!

“Today I will nurture my inner martyr
by purchasing two large pieces of lumber,
a hammer, and a few nails”

So take it easy and by all means let me know if you have a job opening.
Preferably off the books. Preferably where I can work from home and never interact with humans again. Unless it’s on the ski slopes; where I’ll be listening to my iPod at maximum volume and ignoring others at their own peril.


There’s only one thing I like better than skiing and since I am currently sans lover this is not gonna be a happy happy joy joy day around here.

If you are feeling absurd then feel free to stop by and drop a pack of ciggies in the mailbox.
I’ll make sure that Lurch gets his lazy ass out there and collects them for me.

 

~Morticia

Currently listening:
Free-for-All
By: Michael Penn
Release date: 15 September, 1992

hide and seek

Spent the weekend working.

Deadlines from a client placed me in a position of torturous stress. Slept two hours on Saturday night and was back at work on the site at 5:30 am. All told I got 6 hours of sleep over a prior 72.

This site was supposed to be fully designed, functional and up and running by the time The Oscars aired. The client had purchased air time for the broadcast on a whim Thursday night. Two days prior to this she’d said not to worry since the kick-off date for the company was pushed back another 3 weeks.
Aaaaaiiiiiiiiiii.
Nothing like a two day warning to raise the blood pressure.

They rejected my first design but loved the second one. I’ve still got a hell of a lot of work to do on it though. Gotta say that my design was fab until they had me add 20 paragraphs of text to the index page. Ugh.

The remaining time slaving involves setting up their shopping cart and adding 160 items, including graphics for each one (full size and thumbnail thank you very much) along with enticing descriptions of the merchandise.
Here’s the dilemma: The client runs a company for ‘Ladies Night’ parties. Guess what the products are. Oh yeah...>..>..>..>

How many adjectives can one concoct for vibrators, cock rings and other accoutrements of sexual pleasure?

Speaking of which… what’s another name for thesaurus?

I’m completing the majority of design work when my daughter’s at school or in bed (or decorating her pink slippers with Anarchy symbols) Tonight she came in while I was on the phone with TK. There was a brochure on the desk showing some rather, um, graphic images.
It’s like playing hide and seek around here. Not the fun kind either.
I thank god every day that the kid still thinks that naked people are ‘gross’.

The funniest part of the whole gig is that they are paying me half in cash (a nice stipend even though I quoted them a painfully low rate because I needed the work) and half in product.
I need to re-pen the Alanis song….

It’s like a room full of toys
When you have no boyfriend
Or a ski pass at Rose on powder days
When you have to work
Isn’t it ironic

Maybe I can get in some skiing tomorrow morning before the phone calls start from my client list.
Okay there are only two of them. Sheesh you’re picky. It’s just that I’ve always wanted to say
“I have quite the power Client List, so bring me a bottle of your finest scotch garcon.”
Have also fantasized saying
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!” as well.
Well actually I have. It’s just that they were divorce lawyers.

Speaking of lawyers.
No. Let’s not.

So assuming I make it back alive from Mt Rose tomorrow, which also presumes I’ll make it up there, I’ll have to deal with my other client. Paranoid conspiracy theorist crazy guy.
I’ve come to a bizarre realization: people will pay you to hold their hand and listen to their weird crap. All this with a BFA in music. Praise Buddha.
You can’t make this stuff up.

Am seriously considering:
a) running away from home
b) going to beauty school and doing nails and popping gum for a living
c) divesting myself of whiny needy clients.
d) taking up a kick-ass smack habit

Dear god. I might as well be married again.
At least these guys are paying ME and I’m not the one losing their shirt.

Of course with over a thousand dollars in wonderful merchandise coming my way from client number one I’d like to lose my shirt.
Dammit I’m single.
Isn’t it Ironic.

~Miss R

Listening To:

Two Worlds/ Grusin & Ritenour
By: Dave Grusin & Lee Ritenour
Release date: 12 September, 2000

 

New and Improved! Friends. Skiing. Thrills. Spills.

The Goth Gifted Spawn of Satan and I went skiing today.

Brilliant move… let’s start out the day on a rock infested steep. Took a hella fall on the first run, to the extent that one of my bindings released. I struggled for almost 10 minutes to get the fucking ski back on. Humiliating. Ugh. In my defense it was a seriously steep Black run and my boot and binding were caked with snow.
The entire time my ungrateful miscreant of a child laughed her ass off. Grrrrr.

Bi-Polar in a Bi-Partisan World and More Nonsense

good morning.
this despite ‘good morning’ being an oxymoron.
weird and terrible dreams all night long and i slept fitfully until after 9:00 am, waking up constantly. fucking constant insomnia of the depressed and damned.

feeling torn up emotionally and physically at this moment and taking a xanax with the first cup of coffee instead of at noon.

it may be time to rethink the plan of waiting until cate graduates from college and reschedule my date with mr. reaper (that’s MR reaper to you now eat the salmon mousse) to high school graduation.

wordpress is my ‘honest’ blog. have had another going on myspace for a year and a half, but the dark machinations in my mind are not revealed there. for godsake it’s myspace.

as their tagline says: myspace a place for friends!

it does not read: myspace a place for dark honesty and gallows humor!

oh if i ever spilled the truly dark things in my mind you would lock the doors and never speak to any person named rachael again, ala no king ever bearing the appellation john of england. yeppers there’s always one freak to spoil it for the rest of the class.

 

Cold and Divine

Outside it’s lovely. As if a snow globe flutters and shimmers beautiful flakes into the morning.

It’s snowing, but the Mt. Rose site states there’s only ‘a trace’ of new white stuff up there. Not only that but the temperature is 18F and the winds are up to 25 MPH.

I so detest driving up that mountain while it is actively storming, as the Jeep needs new tires. They’re okay down here and will last until Spring but I get a tad nervous on snow and ice while on that damned windy road.

The Spaz Co-Efficient

Writers Block. Skiing. Errands. Torturing a Teenager.
To some degree these have all contributed to my lack of writing over the last week.

Yesterday I’d every intention of writing an entry before retiring for the night. Well, the Road to Reno is Paved with Good Intentions, so here we are this morning instead.
My excursion to the gym last night wiped me out instead of amping me up.

If you had been lucky enough to cruise down Arlington at 7:30 this morning, racing at 15 MPH by the school here, you might have spied yours truly skating across the parking lot here at Chez Noir. An armful of laundry, quarters, and Cheer balanced precariously on a body dressed in pajamas, loafers and a huge brown sweater.
Hell if I know why I’m not engaged or married since this picture alone is not worth a thousand words, but a thousand dollars. In terms of blackmail at the very least.

Yep that’s snow out there

Every year I reiterate the same thing so for the sake of continuity and just to make sure that you get it….

What is the ONLY thing better than a day of great skiing?
A day of great sex of course.
Yes a day of great sex. Seem to remember this occurring a few times in my life. You know, hanging out in bed except to get up and make a snack, maybe watch a movie on TV, but basically having a fine time. Some day it could happen again.
So you can see what the ultimate day would be yes? A day of great skiing followed by a night of great sex.
Ahhhh the mind reels with joyous expectation. Hey it could happen again so wipe that smirk off your face.
But I digress.

Ski Report and Weird Lake Tahoe Facts

The skiing at Mt. Rose today was pretty bad. The wind was nasty and measured at close to 100 MPH by 9:00 am up on top.
Of course I didn’t see THIS on the site. I only looked at the temp, which said ’39F’. There was no wind here in Reno this morning and I anticipated a kind of Spring skiing day.
Heh. Immediately after exiting the freeway on Mt. Rose Highway the Grand Cherokee began to sway. Looking up at the trees it was clear that there were gusts.

By the time I spoke to Curtis, who owns my favorite ski shop close to the resort, the winds were looking pretty fierce. Curtis put a coat of wax on my Salomons gratis and then mentioned that the only lifts running were the bottom two.
Dammit. Janet. Planet. This meant that there were only two runs open, both of which were Greens. I’d planned on working a new black today and increasing my speeds. As is customary.
Curtis’ place is only 5 minutes from Rose so I went ahead anyway.

A Dull Blog on a Fun New Years

Been up since 5:15 this morning. What the hell? It surely has something to do with my falling asleep around 11:00 last night, which of course is a new record. Falling asleep before 2:00 am is not normal. Hope I’m not succumbing to some kind of Tropical disease. What with all of my travels to, uh, the Tropics.

Cate and I at Sierra in 2005. This is while I was still living in Michigan, but on a visit to Reno to scout out the area. Notice the stylish Hat Hair on us both

Right now I’m putting together a playlist on my iPod for skiing.
At 6:00 freaking am.
The other playlists didn’t quite fit for yesterday’s jaunt to Mt. Rose. So it’s a pot of organic Sumatra (Rachael you damned snob), Limewire, iTunes, and a vague sense of sadness.

Hope everyone had a great or at least decent New Years. I had a fine time. Met up with a friend at the hot springs in Markleeville on New Years Eve after visiting with a few people here in Reno earlier. Well that and spending the majority of the day online. It’s well known around town that I’m a partying fool. Okay that’s an utter lie but you already knew that.