How Much Would you pay for my soul?

Have decided that the weekends are my own and I’m under no obligation to answer slews of emails and phone calls from unnamed clients.

A current client sends a minimum of 25 emails each day along with 4 phone calls, all of which I am expected to answer right then goddammit. This is not a high-paying gig. At all. This has become a dance with death. my mouse

Things to consider while contemplating this matter:

  • Yours Truly has 12+ years of experience doing what I do. That would be for a living you perv. I’ve 30 years experience in the other department but am now too old for anyone to actually PAY me.
  • Somewhere in the past is an utterly useless but fairly expensive college education.
  • I am funnier and far more amusing than my clients or employers. Darker too which adds another 1000 points to my High Score.
  • Am going through a horrific period of acute depression via my close personal friend bi-polar disorder (oh yeah I’m bi. I speak Spanish. Into S&M too ‘cause I can speak Spanish and Mexican).
  • The bank account is depleted
  • I am a whack job of paramount distinction

So what we have here is a conundrum: I am too fucked up and distraught to stop weeping or concentrate for longer than 20 minutes at a time but need to support the demon child and myself.




Finally have an appointment Monday with a psychologist appointed by the Social Security Administration. She will do an analysis of my condition and present her State of the Dis-Union Address to the good folks in the government.

This way I can be denied officially. Then re-apply and wait another six months.

So there that it is.


Because I’m such as masochistic submissive bitch I had dinner with two more potential clients earlier this evening. Dinner was nice and the tab was picked up by Seymore Butts. I have to determine a written proposal and price to design the technical aspects of their website, i.e. the shopping cart and some flashy graphic tricks for the online catalog.

Of course all I’m thinking is…. ‘Oooooh think of the discounts on the high end leather stuff’.

See above comments on weeping, inability to concentrate and whack-jobbery.

If nothing else I am consistently inconsistent. I may fail, fall apart, implode and spin around but I do keep trying my damnedest.

I’ll let you know how the new cocktail works out. Have been switched to Effexor with Zoloft, instead of the Lexapro chaser I’d been currently consuming. My nightcap is Lamictal with a touch of Neurontin. Add to this my pile of vitamins, high blood pressure meds and Xanax for the anxiety and you have… a walking pharmacy.

Jesusfuckingchrist maybe I should just start drinking again. It’s cheaper than the meds but I’m not sure I’d be doing any better.

At least in sobriety I remember where the bruises come from.  Although if you have any absinthe and know how to prepare it correctly I will consider breaking the 11 year run of sobriety.



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