Is It True That..? -OR- Burning Man Points of Interest

The True and False Section

It seems out of control for most people: False.

There was NOTHING that shocked me. Of course that probably doesn’t say a hell of a lot considering the source here
2. It’s a bunch of Dumbass (bareass) Naked People: False.
Not even many topless gals with the exception of Critical Tits and Spyder Monkey from Camp Stalker. She rocks. Gotta find that gal again.
3. Sex Sex Sex! False and True.
Well I’m sure that there was hella sex happening. As a woman I couldn’t walk 10 feet without getting hit on. Very flattering; “Will you be my Playa girlfriend?” but have to say that with the exception of a case of crabs in college I’ve avoided STDs my entire life. Thought that I’d keep it that way. I did receive a great sample of lube from the guys at Camp Penguin though. They also were the fine purveyors of red wine and home-made dark chocolate. Gah what goes better than those three things? Nuttin honey.
4. Everyone at Burning Man is a fucking hippie: False.
I am not a fucking hippie. Although I do enjoy fucking I also enjoy regular bathing and attempting to pay my bills. The great thing about Burning Man is that NO ONE gives a shit what you do for a living, or even asks.
5. There are too many under-age folk: True.
Not sure what the hell was up with this. I’d kick my daughter’s ass. I will say that the average age of Burners seems to be early to mid 30’s though.
6. It’s nothing but drugs out there. False.
It’s nothing but booze AND drugs out there!

Okay not really.There are two great sober camps, both Camp Stella and Anonymous Camp.
7. There are no Glow Sticks left in any store within the 100 mile radius of Reno. True!
Every damned one adorned a person on the playa.
8. You can go to Burning Man with nothing but a tent and survive. True.
You would not want to though. This defeats the entire purpose of sharing, meeting and being self-reliant.
9. It’s too dusty and you’ll hate it. True AND False.
It IS friggin dusty but you will not hate it. Dust storms are part of the family sharing process. I did find out that two of them this year were the worst in recent memory. Woo hoo.
10. You have to bring trinkets to trade. False.
You don’t have to do so. I thought to bring stickers from the old inventory and the night of the Bigass Dust Storm gave away at least 20 ‘Nature is Pissed’ Stickers to people who helped me out, smiled or showed kindness. I also received some totally cool gifts including a necklace that looks as if it’s made out of a small femur bone. Got this from a Canadian who could not find his way home one night. I was less lost than he was. There’s a scary thought.
11. Don’t accept a drink or food from anyone because you’ll get dosed. False.
Hell, I WISH!

12. You don’t need a bike because there are ‘public’ bikes. False.
I never saw one of the alleged public bikes during my stay. Bring your own bike for the love of allah.

A few thoughts as well

I’ll never go out there without a camper to sleep in. Luckily Nicole and Greg had purchased a ‘Burning Man Special’ for cheap before the trip. All of our camp shared it and I gotta tell you it was nice sleeping inside. Yeah it was old and the dust sifted through all of the windows but it had a bathroom (thank you goddess!) and a place to sleep and keep costumes. Oh yeah and shorts and bathing suit tops since that’s all you’ll be wearing during the day.

Next year I’ll know what to bring and how to organize it. You can do all the reading you want, and talk to people who have been but without actually experiencing Burning Man first hand you’ll bring way too much stuff or the wrong stuff.
Luckily I just brought too much stuff; as in over $100.00 worth of groceries and a plethora of jewelry that never got worn.
You can never have too much water, even though we did have a lot left at the end of the trip. It’s not as if others cannot use it.

Your bike will save your ass. Well your ass may be sore but your legs will thank you.

I cannot describe the site of going out onto the playa that first night and trying to comprehend the sheer size of Burning Man.
Burning Man is a Fairy Tale at night; shiny, colorful, unbelievable.
Sailing Ships, Giant Fire-Breathing Dragons, Haunted Houses and huge brightly lit animals sailing across the desert through the darkness. A roller rink was at the end of our block along with Flaming Cactus and couches to warm you at 4:00 am after dancing.

Fabulous lights and amazing creatures big and small roam the playa. Blinking multi-colored Double-Decker buses festooned with lights, netting and DJs, the Tiki-themed Mojito Mobile with 6 seats and pedal powered. The array is spectacular and will leave you in awe upon your first step onto the darkened playa.

The venue is huge and walking is idiotic, as we all found out that first evening.
Luckily there are also mutant vehicles, complete with bars and bad well drinks, great music, and no particular destination to carry your sorry ass from one end of the playa to the other.

The DJs are renowned and the music infectious. You can’t go without dancing. There were also bands, an amazing techno-synth flute player and every other possible electronic instrument being played.

I do want to ask though… What the hell was up with the monkeys?

Unsolicited Advice:
a) Stay for the burning of The Man.
Even more spectacular? This year’s burning of the 99 foot tall Oil Derrick and Crude Awakening art installation.
I have NEVER witnessed anything like this.
Holy shit. Mushroom clouds anyone?
Besides, is there such a thing as a bad explosion?
Even The Man exploded this year and then took 29 minutes and 50 seconds to go down. The only reason I know the time is because Mike from our camp filmed it all. Seems version 2.0 was built just a bit too sturdy.
c) Sleep when you’re dead not at Burning Man
Dance, be silly, smile and share.

I’m glad to have gone this year. Thank you Snesti.

Am leaving Sunday morning for a week in southern California and a battery of medical tests and evaluations. Seems the body and mind are not doing too well these days.
Pass me that MRI will you please? Jesus be careful that’s fucker’s heavy!
If nothing else I did get to the burn this year. God willing I’ll be here for next year’s event as well.

~Miss R

Currently listening:
The Beginning Stages Of…
By: Polyphonic Spree
Release date: 05 February, 2002

Crude Awakening photo by Lane Hartwell

4 thoughts on “Is It True That..? -OR- Burning Man Points of Interest

  1. As hip and happenin’ as I try to be, , I must admit that I learned about “Burning Man” through none other than watching…..”Reno 911″ a few seasons back.

    It sounds like one big acid trip.

    You brilliantly captured the events and the flora and the fauna. You transport your readers and they are there. So much so, that after reading your post, I had this strange urge to go Lindsay Lohan and call Narc Anon..

    Good stuff, Miss B..good stuff.

    Laurie..of the Houston….Kendricks


  2. thank you laurie!
    i first heard of burning man about 10 years ago while living in southern california but this is the first time I was able to attend.
    btw someone else told me about the reno 911 episode. gotta see that.

    well i’m off to the narc anon meeting.
    where the hell did i put that methadone?


  3. Nice points, and all very true. It’s truly amazing how much people can tell you about Burning Man, but it’s still impossible to grasp until you attend.

    Beyond staying for the burning of the man (which I’m kind of tired of at this point), you must stay for the temple burn. This year’s burn was especially poignant and beautiful, as a dust storm swept over the temple as it was ablaze. Moments like that can’t be recreated.


  4. i wish that i could’ve stayed for the temple burn. alas, was at the mercy of my camp-mates who wanted to leave that morning.

    next year i plan on the entire week, and you’re so right; no one can explain burning man with words -smile-.


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