family fun and eating razor blades

Oh for the love of Buddha I am off again to California on November 3rd.
Will this hell never end? I just want to be left alone and enjoy the benefits of agoraphobia.
I’d rather eat razor blades.

The people at Reno International Airport (International? Right. Excuse me while I smirk stage left) know me by sight now. Hell they know my damned name.

“Hey Miss R? Off to Cali again?”
“You betcha. Hell it’s been two weeks. How’s the wife?” I ask
“Oh just fine Miss R. You packing any more of those switchblade stiletto knives?” says Jonathon.
– I giggle- “No hon, just the shoes this time”
“Alrighty then, we’ll see you in two weeks! Don’t forget to pick up that Eightball you left at the security desk on the last trip.”
“Damn. I did forget. You rock. Thanks babe.” And I blow him a kiss.

So this trip is to celebrate my dad’s 75th Birthday.
Holy Christ.
I always think of my parents as being in their 30’s. Fuck I’m older than that now. It’s more than a bit disconcerting when I do see them and witness their physical age.
Hmmm oddly enough they surely feel the same way.

So I have to fly into Orange County (John Wayne INTERNATIONAL airport yark) because the party is at my sister’s house.
Christ I can’t believe I quit drinking. Whadda Maroon.

Yeah I’m so on top of the world now and filled with self-esteem and happy happy joy joy feelings.
Excuse me while I put on the hair shirt won’t you?

Okay it’s worth it to see my dad and he will be surprised. It is after all a surprise party. Well, I’m surprised. What the hell.

Wait nevermind. My dad is pretty much the poster boy for tunnel-vision so maybe not.

Yeah so I’ll see Cate which is a fab thing, and see my step-sisters which is a half-fab thing (’cause I only enjoy one of them), and see my dad which is a wonderful thing.
Then it’s back on a Southwest jet to Reno two days later.
Hopefully for longer than two weeks.
James has got to be sick and tired of catering to Lizzie.
Jeez, James what the hell do you look like anyway? Liz sees way more of you than I do.

I can do this.
No really.
Although I want my Xanax back dammit.

~Miss R

Currently listening :
Say You Will
By Fleetwood Mac
Release date: 15 April, 2003

10 thoughts on “family fun and eating razor blades

  1. Oxymoron indeed. I feel this way about my mother just thinking about seeing her…ugh.

    That’s what the holidays have come to mean to me. For starters, married boyfriend = no fab holiday lovey dovey bliss in the Poconos, and 2] the evil that is my mother!

    Thank God she’s a decent cook. Makes all that suffering somewhat worth it.


  2. oh puh,,,,leaze. As if Max doesn’t live for the undercurrents of sexuality.
    well dark humor too which are quite close yes?

    chrsitinasidecar I have the opportunity to have a married lover but hell there are so many drawbacks. the major one being Stiletto’s comment ‘holidays suck ass’ to paraphrase.
    sure he lusts after me and he’s kinky but hell.
    let me think this through…


  3. Hey, but after awhile you start to feel less bitter about being alone! Which puts you back to…square one.

    ” I need to see sis and her perky fake tits

    perfect plastic-surgery-enhanced profile, multi-million dollar abode and gazillionaire hubby.”

    Um – is she like one of those privileged women on the “Real Housewives of Orange County” reality show?

    I actually enjoyed that show for a while until one of the wives cried that she couldn’t hang out at Lake Havasu with her OC friends because they look down on people who do. I thought – Cripes, what a bunch of snooty jerks!


  4. It may be just me, but from what I have seen, most women I know who get involved with someone who is married do it when they are in a real vulnerable state, and later, when they are not in that place, find themselves trapped in the relationship because they have grown too attached to walk away, but with no hope it will develop into something more and no room for something that will because the married guy is there taking up the relationship spot in their lives leaving no room for anything more fulfilling or lasting.

    You are in a real vulnerable state. Married Guy might look real good right now, when it feels like there is no emotional or romantic support coming from any other source and he is there, fulfilling that because he is wooing you. But relaxing into that is a trap and once you are in it, it will be very very hard to get out.


  5. oh yeah I agree with Max as well. I’ve no interest (emotionally or physically) in a married man. just can’t do it.
    vulnerable and fragile as i feel at this point i’m willing to keep sharing my bed with the damned cat.
    at least she doesn’t hog the blankies.
    she just sheds on them.

    stiletto: my sister is JUST as described. professional trophy wife on her second millionaire. at least this guy turned out to be quite nice, as opposed to the first asswad she married.
    typically this did not keep her from ‘inadvertantly’ pointing out my faults and accentuating her current status.
    hmmm status? this is surely not the correct word but i’m tired after being in airports and on planes all day.
    time for a club soda and an ativan.


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