As the President -and thus far only member of – Deranged Writers Enjoying Righteous Posts
(DWERP) it is time for our first announcement.
Due to this Deranged Writer being out of town for three days, secluded in the boonies of an un-named Nevada town, the Inbox count climbed from 250+ to 782 unopened emails. Had a great time on the ranch raking and hauling sagebrush and oh those tumbling tumble weeds…. Lots of time with the horses and seeing friends.
National Security forbids the naming of this locality so it can only be revealed that there is limited cell service and no Internet hook-ups. Said town is famous for being very close to the site of major nuclear testing in the 1950’s, resulting in the death of every single member of a Hollywood blockbuster to drop dead of cancer within 20 years of said production. Favorite cocktail at the local watering hole? A ‘Big-Ass Tumor on the Rocks.’ I had a double. Thought the sign read ‘Tuber’ and figured it was a local vodka.
So, besides spending time near this friendly, albeit somewhat barren city, your DWERP President was not only devoid of contact to the Interwebs, but also busy avoiding tap water contaminated with arsenic. Seriously. Just in case you’re wondering a river does run through it and many large and tasty ranch and farm vegetables are grown in the region.
Let’s face it, if you were going to pick a place for nuclear testing Nevada is the place. Really, the drive from Reno to Las Vegas appears as though the entire state has been nuked anyway.
But I digress.
It’s the damned Inbox thing. I cannot keep up. The stress in simply SEEING all of that unopened email (98% of which are new Blog posts and Comments on Blog posts) is cause to reach for the Xanax AND Dalmane. It also keeps me from even attempting to write. Just knowing that there are so many other wonderful writers out there, that I cannot keep up with, dulls my creativity and fills me with guilt. It’s just impossible .
In an effort to keep DWERP alive, and yours truly out of The Reno Home for The Cognitively Impaired I am deleting every post. A few will be kept to read. Miss R has enough addictions and does not need to add benzodiazepines to the list.
Apologies to all of you wonderful bloggers who have posted over the last 4 or 5 days. Will do my best to catch up.
Until then… DWERP ON!
~Miss R
YoYo-Dyne Propulsion Labs: Reno Division 
I WANT TO JOIN!!!!
And I feel your pain. I try and stay on top of my email, even so, I just need to do wholesale trashings every so often…
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EG: You are the official Second Member of DWERP. Been deleting over an hour… up to March 7th now. Just didn’t dawn on me how MANY emails/posts there were. Damn. It’s too early to drink to your induction.
Many thanks for the understanding and true empathy of a companion DWERP.
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I wholly endorse wholesale deletion. I partake often. Who in the (&^% says it is too stinking early to drink? I am on my second. What time is it? Who cares? It is still light out, and I am ready to get lit.
Shall I pass you both something flamingly flavorful?
Red.
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On my 3rd pint with a triple tequila behind it,Red. Next round is on me.
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You said the magic word….tequila.
Red.
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Ooooh Red I’m damned glad to see you. Have changed HH (Happy Hour acronym in the Wild wild West) to 4:00 pm today. As the song goes ‘It’s always 5:00 somewhere.’
Ready for the second glass of truly terrible Cabernet. Hey, rent is due in a week and am down to the dregs. Think we can all relate.
Oh I missed you while I was gone. So far my besties (in writing, humor and friendship) have all been checking in.
Think I’ll raise that second glass in celebration!
Cheers My Dear!
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Red and EG: You folks are the finest in imbibers and writers. Now if we can all keep from doing a Hemingway all is Klar (der Kommisar). Now dance!
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3rd? Keep up El Guapo or you will be left behind. Oh and before i forget it’s your shout, make mine a double , thanks!!!
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As the kids say, frigginloon, it’s on!
Here you go – with my compliments.
Red – as long as it isn’t anymmore of this cuervo crap. Perhaps a nice herradura, or Porfidio cactus perhaps…
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EG: I can’t %&$%$&* hear you my phone is $%&$%*&$ up… SEND ALCOHOL!
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OK kiddies, I’m about to tequila slam myself into oblivion. Hey, El Guapo can you pass me a lemon.
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Notes from the next morning:
blergh…
And quite possibly, no more commenting on blogs while in the middle of getting my drunk on.
Oh, and vodka-red bull morning-after burps suck.
Just sayin…
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EG: Am with you on the ‘morning after’ blog-o-rama. I say we blame Red… She offered to buy another round!
Oh, and my personal cure for Blog-imbibing is a chocolate milkshake, two pieces of bacon and then a bloody mary. If you can keep all of that down you can skip the red bull aftertaste .And any other potential meal for the day.
If you can’t keep it down…. well it’s Red Bull for everyone.
Feel better my dearest -pats EG’s head (being vewy vewy qwuiet)
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Well if we’re sending Red out into the wild, for good of writers everywhere Loon, then I’ll take a Bombay Sapphire and tonic. Yeah baby.
EG: You seem to set the mark. Might be a three way coin toss.
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Wait. change that. My favorite is a martini with ‘vermouth’ just whispered over the glass. Oh, and two garlic stuffed olives.
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Black, I can miss all but guamrantee m phoney battery will die before I something something !
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Miss Black, I can miss all but guamrantee m phoney battery will die before I something something !
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I think Guapo’s keyboard is getting tipsy 😉
Red.
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Red, EG has only given up THREE naked bar dancews on his blog. You and I both know there are more goodies to be mined
Meanwhile in Reno: The piano has been drinking…
Just watched Young Frankenstein -again- and find myself playing and singing ‘Putting on the Ritz’ with the chorus ‘Puttin ON RIIIIITZ’
Fuck. no one is here to laugh, Damned cat doesn’t get it
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Damn shame, too. I adore that flick. Me and the original hubs were necking in the theatre in between bouts of laughter. That show needs a Rocky Horror midnight movie treatment.
Red.
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Thank goddess Red…some one got the chuckle 😉
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The only Cuervo I drink is silver. That gold crap has crap floating in it o.O Only think I want in my mescale is a worm TYVM.
Red.
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How about red bull andvodka, Red? No? me either. Ever again.until the next tome of course…
I swear to god – IT WASN’t MY FAULT!!!
Ok, no more drunk commenting.
Off to bed….
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very funny Rachael and yes – follow the ABCD rule (always by cracky delete) and hit delete. continue…
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Thank you Tony. If I can get a smile out of you, well ‘ya know. Will keep your acronym close to my heart xo
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Follow Tony’s advice, I’ve been doing it too, since the moving has built up my inbox, and had stuff that went back to the first week of March. Welcome back, and please stick around for a bit longer, as your special blogger friends miss you. go on…
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Awww Don you’re the best. Will be around. Down to 80 messages. Of course I’ve saved virtually everything from yourself, EG and Tony for reading.
How did the move go? Can only imagine the Hades your inbox must represent heh. Hugs and Empathy!
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Can I be the DWERP designated lush? I despise driving.
Red.
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Red you are SO in. We have to toss a coin on the designated lush part though. Can’t stand driving either. Actually can’t right now. Unless any of you know how to fix a front differential/U-Joint.
Whatever the hell that is.
Just know I can’t drive my Beater Beloved Beemer of Beelzebub until it’s fixed.
Yeah babes, alliterations and acronyms. We got it going on here tonight.
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U-joint is nothing. Got an impact wrench? So, let’s co-chair the alcohol acquisition and assessment committee and nominate someone else to drive?
Red.
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I’m there Red. Can sell my kid’s bedroom set for the parts. Just need someone that can do more than change a light bulb -sans the use of light bulb jokes- to do the work.
Cocktails and pizza on me!
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I will take the Pizza option then 🙂 😉 lol
Androgoth XXx
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This is a power tool drink when we are done kinda job. Not tough, just dirty.
Speaking of dirty, how about a vodka martini, extra dirty, double fruit, half dry?
I love you have the garlic stuffed yummies 🙂
Red.
And Andro, what’s on the pizza?
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Well there was a shrinks finger on it earlier
but I flicked it out of the window, never mind
he can catch up with it later should the rope
snap 🙂 lol That poor man will need a shrink
after all this excitement 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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It is so much more fun to CAUSE PTSD 😉
Red.
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Oh no, not psychology studies at this
time of the morning, I think I need more
wine 🙂 lol pour me one Red, no I mean
pour me the wine Red, phew just got it
sorted before clicking reply 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Androgoth XXx
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OK, so a large goblet for you and a snifter for me. The cognac is just warm enough 😉
Red.
xxx
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Sounds delicious Red 🙂
Hey I need my Peter Pan
Zzzzzzz’s next you know,
you two have tired me out
on this one, well Vampires
like to flap around of an
evening but flapping and
drinking wine isn’t a good
idea, besides I don’t want
to be losing my fangs on
any wayward nymphs as I
slide on the lid 🙂 lol
Have a great rest of evening
you two and be good 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Snuggle in and I shall see you on my morrow, fine sir.
And I hardly think good is an accurate descriptor for us 🙂 I shan’t be far behind, as the traffic is picking up at my place and work beckons.
Rest well, my dear friend,
Red.
xxx
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And a very good night to you too dears, I have really had a good giggle this morning / your evening and we all need a bit of that fine elixer from time to time, good night you two 🙂 😉
Androgoth XXx
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light sauce, thin crust, extra cheese and anything else you desire. New Yawk style!
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As is, my darling, perfect 😉 Brooklyn cut and we are in!
Red.
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Red I DO so love you xo
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MUAH!
Absolutely nothing we cannot accomplish, ma cherie!
Red.
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Andro: will have something dark red for you..
Besides the only wrench I have is in the basement…embedded in one of the ex-husband’s foreheads.
Wait. Can I say that here in anonymity?
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OH I dig my friends. Red, you grab the cocktails and rope (Andro can drive) and Andro you get the SSI’s and DSM manual to get that dumbfuck, er, psychiatrist on track.
TA DA! All is well with an easy solution.
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Like the cat will ever tell? No matter, Bear has plenty. How many hours to your place?
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Now you’re talking, I hope that we are
using the best goblets for this dark red
wine? 🙂 It is nice straight from the neck
too you know, but for once I will be a
tad civilised 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Andro: Have a beautiful pewter Dina goblet for me, and a gorgeous Pan goblet for yourself 😉
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Red… don’t make a left at Albuquerque!
Find Reno. Look for the largest music store in town. A block away. the other block has the liquor store.
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Awesome… Now if only I can find the ‘Reply’ bit on all these wonderful comments you are adding i will be able to drive us all over the place, don’t worry the shrinkodick is in the trunk, he’s not sitting in with us with those dirty shorts on, oh no 😦 lol
Androgoth XXx
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Got it, Turn right in Albuquerque, music shop and liquor store. Shall I stop at the liquor store on the way in? We will need to water the shrink before we stop. I am thinking something in the class of Madd Dogg for him, but something quite special for us 😉
Red.
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Red: give him the manischewitz. It’s Sterling for us.
Alright Andro..Say you’ll do the driving!
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Hey you need to start un-following everyone Miss Blackraven and then you will not be swamped down with so much mail, as WP has a true fetish for it, nooooooooo I mean a fetish for the mailings naughty 🙂
Actually it is very good un-following and it gives you the opportunity of just hitting the follow option on the blogs you like the most, and as the Meercat on TV always says ‘Simples’ so get on with that tomorrow or whenever you can and just see those numbers fall 🙂 Be good too if that is possible for you 😉 lol
Oh yes and if you are not being too Radioactive later you can have a whip round, sort of just choosing a few Follows to keep your inbox activated… But not ALL of those you have now okay? Wow I am being a tad Masterful there 😉 lol
Androgoth XXx
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Andro, naturally you are a (dark) genius. Believe it or not I only follow ten blogs. Have unsubscribed from some and either get the other 5 via RSS (which I always forget to check on Yahoo) or have simply divorced. Still check up but get no emails to go through.
The problem is that I always click ‘check here for updates on this post.’
Think that this is it.
Could just be a combo of that and OCD.
Dear gawd ANOTHER fucking point to bring up in the 4x yearly visit to the shrink…. who is happy to sit there and say ‘having any side effects from the medication?’
My answer is ‘Why yes, they aren’t doing a fucking thing.’
He refills the same crap and we’re off to the races. Or Blog in my case.
I have checked my ‘stats’ maybe five times since 2006 when I began the WP blog. Numbers are nuttin to me.
Maybe should cut down to eight. But hell… there are so many fab writers out there!
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There are settings to stop the e mails though have you looked past all the cobwebs in there, well just uncheck a few boxes and like hey bleeding presto those numbers will drop faster than a hobo on crack 🙂 That shrink of yours needs popping onto the table and given a stiff one, nooooo not that but he needs a big gulp of something strong enough before we tell him that his choice of medication sucks, oh yes and we can hang him upside down out of the window if he doesn’t believe us, after that he will be revising his choices and changing his shorts 🙂 lol
Wow on here since 2006 you have certainly seen a lot of changes in that time then? I think adding a blogroll with just the one’s you enjoy and then visiting them whenever you can, that way it cuts down on the e mails and gives you a better outlook on the blogosphere, blimey even shrink features will approve as we won’t need to be giving him the rundown on the DWERP situation, but we can still dangle him out of the window if you like just for a bit of fun 🙂 Yes I am joking 🙂 I think? 😉 lol
Be good now Miss. Blackraven and don’t be too hard on that shrink, unless he tries anything we don’t like, and then it is game on… the poor fellah must be crapping his pants 😦 lol
Androgoth XXx
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*Passes Andro the rope for dangling*
*Turns head, whistles, walks away, looks in makeup mirror demurely watching the fun*
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Yep. I’d go gay for Red
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Yes but not vice versa
though Miss. Blackraven 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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BTW…
A Meercat is just like a Meerkat only it has
less whiskers on it 🙂 How do you mean less
whiskers on what? 🙂 Well you know 😉 lol
Androgoth XXx
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With a razor or cream?
*giggles wickedly*
Red.
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I think it was a waxing moon 🙂 lol
Androgoth XXx
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ROFL! Wicked, wicked, wicked. I love it!
Red.
xxx
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Now where has our naughty Miss. Blackraven vanished to, I do hope she is not getting too excited about that shrink test, nooooo not a cold shower I mean the one on the table, him, the doc with the dodgy ankles 🙂 lol
Androgoth XXx
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She is pounding the ivory. Oh, do straighten up, Andro…the piano!
Red.
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Hey ding-dong I am doing my best you know, it’s not easy holding this idiot out the window woth one hand and playing the organ, I mean the piano with the other 🙂 lol Cheeky 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Toss him in the trunk. Apparently, we are stopping at the liquor store…
Red.
xxx
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Okay he’s in there and that gag you brought fits his mouth like a glove, actually it resembles a WW and his tongue is right in it, ahhh well it will be nice and warm I guess? Hope that knitted motif doesn’t give him colic? 😦 lol
Androgoth XXx
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Ah, well, the manischewitz to wash it down will be fine. It is biodegradable after all 😉
Red.
xxx
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Puttin on RIIIIIITTTTTTZ!
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It is a great film that
Young Frankenstein 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Tis wonderful Andro. I own the DVD but watched it again this weekend at my dear friend’s Nuclear Arsenic Ranch For Silly People.
Being a musician I had to come home and re-do the re-do -grin-
You’ve fine taste
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Andro, finding the damned REPLY button is the worst of all. Especially after I’ve switched to gin
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Yes well don’t worry I am
pouring you another shot 🙂
And if that shrink mentions
the 5th just boot him in the
nuts… talking of nuts maybe
we will be able to fix that
differential / U-Joint adding
a few here and there, well
it’s worth a go 🙂 Here grab
hold of this wrench, it’s not
rocket science you know? 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Hey where’s the shrink
party disappeared to? 😦
It’s okay I will read this
‘How to Pour Wine Without
Dropping the Shrink out of
the Window’ manual, while
you and Red grab some of
those chicken tikka’s 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Lean over the truck Andro.. it’s all over
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That is a dangerous position. *Grins Knowingly*
Red.
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Red: been there. Didn’t say I didn’t like it…
-spanks all around-
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Remind me to tell you about the book…..
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Red WAIT. You wrote a different one than mine?
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Oh, you have noooooooooooooooooooooo idea…..
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Or as I posted on one one your blogs ‘READ MY BOOK!’
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Not that I don’t love the prose 😉
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It was fun though wasn’t it Miss. Blackraven? 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Well I am parked round the back of the liquor store
and that goof off is banging away in the trunk, I knew
that I shouldn’t have thrown that rubber dolly in there,
now he is giving it a good talking to, well you know
how those shrinks like to talk? 🙂 Hey there’s a joke
in there somewhere, you know, something with oral
in the message. Oh buggery I need another drink 🙂 lol
Androgoth XXx
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hahahaha. You’ve put me on another plane Andro…
Hey there Mr. Blue Skies -grin-
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He said rubber dolly.
Red.
*Looks around for the air pump and the lip stick*
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He said Rubber. Heh Heh
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I cannot be the only one who got “blow up doll” out of that….
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Red, well you now how we are. Some days blow jobs are the best we can get
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*Grins from ear to ear knowing she will soon get to next comment in this thread*
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Not bad either to say all I have
had is a quick cup of coffee 🙂 😉
Until the morrow then 🙂
Androgoth XXx
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Coffee Bad. Fire Good
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Ma cherie, work beckons…some 75 comments later 😉 Don, Tony and Guapo are going to have an inbox full after this one *Giggles* And all on a post about getting far too much email!
Bisous! Meet me in the inbox in the morning or give me a buzz. MUAH!
Red.
xxx
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G’night my dearest. Have to catch up here. Yea fucking verily.
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Sheesh… took me like 5 mnts to scroll all the way through all these comments to get to your “leave a reply” box….
So, I sub a lot of people. Get several hundred emails a day. Granted, I’m always on line, work and home, so it’s easier for me to keep up than it is for others. But I have a handy-dandy method… I go to the wordpress dot com site and choose the “Read Blogs” tab. There, all the postings from the blogs I sub show there. Now, I use Firefox for this stie and I have installed an app called “Cool Previews.” Basically, whenever there is a link on a page, a little icon shows next to the link. When I hover over the icon, then a pop-up window appears with that site – fully functional. In fact, I’m commenting now via this little pop-up. So, what this allows me to do is scroll down through all the postings at one time (no open email, click link, go to page, return to email, delete, open email, click on link… yada yada yada). Then when there is a posting from one of my fav’s (like you), I hover over the icon and the pop-up comes up for me to read and comment. Never have to leave this screen/tab.
I also don’t check to follow-up comments. Now that all replies show in the number in the top bar in the drop down, I’m good with that. Now, when I was checking to receive email follow up’s, I was getting way too many emails and didn’t have that much time to read everyone elses comments.
So…. there ya go. Cheers!
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She Speaks: Oh what good points. Going to stop putting the check mark down.
Thanks for the tips. Literally, don’t know what I’d do (sanely) without you\
❤
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Oh, ptttthhhppphhhtsppphhhtt……
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Radiation and poisoned water is one thing (well, two), but no internet access? That’s barbaric!
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Have to agree Blinky. But… it IS Nevada.
Wahoo is nothing compared to our state
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Can I assume my membership card is in the mail?
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Ben it’s all FREE! Definitely have a card set aside for you.
For an additional handling charge you can two for the price of one! Good for only the first 500 callers…Oh damn.
Forgot to turn off the TV last night and the stupid infomercials must have nested in my subconscious.
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You’ve probably noticed I’m not exactly a writer… so in all honesty… I… um… I have NO clue what you people do! Although I would have assumed it was more along the lines of bottle middle photo… seems all romantic that way. In my mind.
Speaking of which, ‘bottle’ middle?! *derp* Guess I didn’t want to show up to the party empty handed. And / or some rum must have fallen into my Coke. Again.
🙂
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SIG: Feel that this applies to all artists. And you my friend are one of the best of the best… add to that you’re funny as hell.
As for the rum falling into the coke? As Elvis said ‘Accidents will happen.’
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