El Guapo: The Man. The Myth. The Misanthrope.
Today’s Music: Volga Boat Song/Let’s All Dance to Joy Division Mash-Up
You may think that you know El Guapo but you are mistaken my friend.
From his humble beginnings as an Irish Satanic Hindu living on the streets of Paris, selling matchbooks to wealthy Japanese tourists, his exploits continue to amaze the blogosphere.
Certainly he has Alpine skied the Great Lakes, surfed the titan swells of Barstow, and of course his most fabulous feat: Using his parachute but once during that historic dive from the highest most point of the roller coaster on Casino Pier atop Seaside Heights, NJ. AFTER Hurricane Sandy.
El Guapo is truly a living legend.
Here a few pointers you’ll need to truly enjoy Guapola, the home of El Guapo.
- 1.
BYOB. This tip was passed along from an anonymous high school friend. Guap was once heard to mention over mystery meat and expired milk “Sonny won’t Cher” (sic).
- 2.
The man loves Poles. Sadly he is Anti-Semantic in person and purposely taunts his ‘common’ readers with correctly placed semi-colons. Not to mention full bladders as he guzzles his daily beer intake. See Above. We are not aware of his full colon exploits.
- 3.
The El Guano Cave: do not attempt to fund an expedition to his top secret location in Gotham. Although he does reveal his present whereabouts as The City he is in current litigation with next door neighbor, a Mr. Bruce Wayne. Court documents have been sealed but it appears that a conflict has arisen over bats in the belfry.
- 4.
Never attempt to dissuade El Guapo from his taste in music. Do not laugh, condescend nor feed the animal. It is rumored that he once beat a 43 person crowd of Kenny G. fans to death with a small mammal. Another rumor has it that he used marsupial road-kill as back up.
- 5.
His weekly Friday Foolishness blog posts are funded by The People’s Front of Judea. Do not mistake this organization for a Zionist conspiracy. Mr. Guapo appears to have chosen the name of this alleged charity organization in order to funnel money. Yes! The proceeds from his writing are wired into a Swiss bank account, via the Cayman Islands (where El Guapo purports to ‘surf’). Money is then transferred to the World Wide Organization for Flies and Sewage. DBA records show that this shell company is a wall shielding The Sally Struthers Anorexia and B-Actress Eradication Program. The man does not wish the world to know of his philanthropic slant.
What else can be said of this adventurer, explorer, giver and supporter of the underprivileged?
Well let’s check this shit out!
– El Guapo Birthday Poll –
El Guapo Readers I hope that this Primer helps your understanding of the madness and brilliance that is El Guapo.
Let us all wish him a Happy Birthday!
Visit Other Posts Celebrating Guapola Foolishness
Alex, Frank, GingerFightBack, GingerSnaap, H.E. Ellis, Kanerva, Suzanne,Weebs, CheekyDiva, Edward Hotspur, M3, Joe, H.R. Nightmare,LoveAndLunchmeat, Kayjai, LizzieCracked, Rachael, ODNT, Brian, Linda, John,Benzeknees, SandyLikeABeach
YoYo-Dyne Propulsion Labs: Reno Division 
I think I hurt myself….
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bandage or martini first?
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Martini. Are you sure you are okay??? *snort*
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EG brings out the best (:falls over laughing:) of me
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LOL! He should be here shortly. *grins*
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Hope he enjoys his blog-wide gift Red. Time to see your tribute to the Guapmeister!
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About 15 minutes.
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EVIL!!
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Still giggling…
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Wonderful work Red. Only YOU could cull the best of the best (myself notwithstanding) to honor our birthday boy. I bow to greatness ❤
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Bisous! I cannot wait until everyone is live and in Technicolor. You got to go first. He is going to be gobsmacked. Or else. *taps foot*
Then…
Falls over laughing!
xxx ❤
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Thanks for joining in on the adventure!! WHOOT!!
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you too Ginger!
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You know, I thought I knew El Guapo…
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you know H.E., does anyone really know El Guapo? Except in the biblical sense of course. By that I mean his NEVER PICTURED (alleged) wife.
Some say she is… Morgan Fairchild.
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,,,And while I am sure she is lovely, I’ll be she doesn’t speak a word of Spanish.
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heheheheh
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I never knew…seriously. Never. knew. Happy Birthday, Guapman!!
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Who knows what evil lurks behind every corner? El Guapo knows!
Thanks kayjai 🙂
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You are right Miss. R he is a living legend, a mystery amongst the stars, a traveller of the oceans, deserts, playing fields of the world and prodigy of Harry Potter’s uncle Cedric, yes he has many guises and all with a very special slant on wickedness, actually there are rumours that he circum…
Wait for it, circumnavigated the planets, given Superwoman a bit of a grope behind Batman’s cape and bathed in asses milk with Jordan but as this is just a rumour we will have to leave it there for now. His naked bungee jumping is said to sweeten the hearts of Zombie lovers and feed innocent nuns into a frenzy of naughty pleasures, whatever that means?
His singing voice is likened to Tom Jones offering a night of frantic and feverish panty throwing antics from all of his female admirers, of which there are thousands. It is said that one kiss from his lips lasts a thousand orgasms but again these rumours are based on legend so unless anyone knows whether this is fact or fiction you girls will just have to ponder the myth and hope it is all true. Oh yes and … Happy Birthday El Guapo 🙂 🙂
This is a great posting Miss. R 😉 🙂
Andro xxx
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Andro, if I were capable of writing in the poetic style in which you excel yours may have been my tribute. As for circumnavigating, well that’s best left to Guap’s Polls, as opposed to his Mohels…
Many thanks Andro
-Kisses!-
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I really enjoyed your posting Miss. R and I hope that El guapo has been over to yours, and being his wicked self I would imagine that he has brought you gifts of plenty and a nice selection of… Well something naughty anyway 😉 lol Have a very nice Friday and remember be good, if you can I mean? 😉 🙂
Andro xxx
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Rachael,
El Guapo and Polanski in the same post… Guapo might be too old for our favourite Polish director… But what do I know…
Le Clown
PS: What do you call a Polish man dancing on a pole? (don’t even answer this one).
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Le Clown,
you may potentially be the only person to get the Polanski bit. I bow to greatness. As for the joke… even I dare not look this up on Google. Let it remain a foolish secret 😉
Pole.
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Rachael,
You are too kind, my friend… See you real, real soon.
Le Clown
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I await the magic of Canada! Have been there to ski, fish and snowmobile.
Mmmmmmm butter tarts! Why do Americans eschew the glory of butter tarts?
Oh I miss the men of Canada. Have a brother? Er, let me clarify: unmarried ,straight, and over 40. About 10 years over 40.
Not that I mind 10 years younger than 40 of course. Or 20.
Le Bitchin!
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Wow a visit from Le Clown 🙂 lol
I thought he was one of those erm
hermit types but hey I am wrong 🙂
Have a wicked Monday Miss. R 😉
Andro xxx
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MUAH! and a visit from Le Clown would be a treat for anyone
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Yes… I guess 🙂 lol
Andro xxx
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Thanks for the scope about El Guapo that I didn’t know. Well done .. and Happy Birthday Guapo!
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Glad that I could shed some light on the information everyone needs to know. Ones of dollars were spent on private detectives and a $5.00 bribe to his wife for other unmentionable (until next year) information.
Thank you for checking in…. and Happy Birthday Guap!
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I’m loving the shark. Very insightful post to all things Guap. Laughing my ass off!
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Ha! You noticed the shark. Many thanks. Have you any idea how difficult it was to catch El Guapo in the Cayman’s with that beast setting upon him?
Dear god, if it weren’t for
PhotoShopsurreptitious pictures these images may never have seen the light of day.Thanks for the props. More thanks to EG!
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Ha! Thank you so much for this excellent Primer. I will keep it handy! 😀
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many thanks Linda! Glad I could be of service. We all know how reticent El Guapo can be in regards to his life and exploits :snort:
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You are so right Rachael. It takes a lot to coax out these shy retiring types like El Gaupo! 😀
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A great tutorial to get all the new Guaponians up to speed. Well said.
Happy Birthday, Guapoplasmic Reticulum.
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Ah, Olde Latin to celebrate El Guapo… and his Olde Age.
Gracias my friend!
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The People’s Front of Judea…I should have suspected as much…
THIS is an awesome tribute (Seriously!!), though I can’t believe a single word of it. I mean …except the part about the Kenny G fans, I’m pretty sure that’s true. And the part about the El Guano Cave, that’s on youtube so, yeah, also true.
Any of those martinis left? A toast…Happy Birthday El Guap-Taco! Viva!
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Oh you’re good Alex!
Martinis on ice -just hop a flight to Reno and we’re all ready for you.
Need your recipe for Guap-Tacos. Mmmmmmm Guap-a-licious!
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On my way, as soon as I can figure out how to get the Guap-tacos pass the TSA… 3.5 ounces, my ass…
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BASTARDS! freaking commies I tell you
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To be fair, those Kenny G fans were asking for it.
If it’s any consolation, I did feel bad afterwards about using the ferret.
Well, indifferent anyway…
Miss B, if a man is judged by the company he keeps, I’ll stand next to you and take whatever rewards come.
Thanks so much for this – absolutely loved it!
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EG: Thank you so much for the kind words 🙂
I harbor no ill will towards your bloody swath through bad musical history. I salute you (and your ferrets)!
Far be it from me to do anything but cheer your hideous and sickening death-kick to those musicians unworthy of our aural interest.
But Seriously Folks…. Happy Bitchin’ Birthday Babe 😉
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Be careful what you wish for El Guapo
Rachael is at this very moment reaching
for her paddle, handcuffs and… Well it
will certainly be a surprise that’s for sure 😉
Is that an El Guapo I can hear screaming
in the background, ahhhh well never mind
the sting will go… Eventually 🙂 lol
Androgoth
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Have a feeling Guap’s wife will be meting out the, er, punishment? heheheheh
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Yes I know but don’t spoil his dream, erm fantasy 😉 🙂 lol 🙂 Hey you, have a wicked and sweet day today Miss. R or else? 😉
Andro xxx
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You had me at plethora!!!
🙂
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…’Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?’
bwahahaha
Thanks BuddaKat!
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