Springtime in Reno!

Been busy freaking out (Chic! Le Freak!) so here’s a post that I liked and didn’t seem to garner a lot of readers when I first wrote it. Now re-presented in all it’s glory,

Springtime for Hobos in Germany! Reno!

ittle Nugget Reno

the famous (and infamous)Little Nugget in Reno. NOTE: guy in picture NOT a hobo

Not sure if you’ve noticed but the increase in hobos? At least here in Reno . It’s Spring-time!

Sadly not trampoline-spring-like but season-Spring-like.

The sewer grates are no longer frozen closed and the parking garages have already had cars broken into. Not to steal a stereo. To piss in. Maybe take a nap as well. Hopefully the latter first. At least when I lived in Brooklyn they just stole your stereo and broke your window. Which is why only a cretin has a car in New York City.

Please pay attention to the examples of Springtime for Hobos and Germany as  there will not be a test later. These are the finest in Reno Hobo quotes of the last few days.

1.” Can I mow your lawn? If it gets any longer it’s very bad for the yard ” Lawn? Are you fucking kidding me? Big-ass Weed patch is a kind description. Then noted that the hobo has no lawn mower or shears. Pretty sure this guy was the ACTUAL Green River killer. Told him that the herd of hobo-eating goats would be here within 24 hours.

2. “You do realize that your house number has to painted on your curb to confirm to law? I’m willing to splash water color numbers using paint from my filthy, inbred, homeless F student’s paint set using this stolen stencil from the Dollar Store . For $5.00.”. Almost fell for this one.
Too bad for this guy; was going to trade him a can of Sterno and a piece of white bread but I’d already used those items to trade for a car wash by another hobo. You should have seen him. Hauling buckets of water from the back yard.Told him the hose was broken and the only water was around back of the house,then through the mud, and out on to the street. Heh. There are actually three spigots along the front of the house. They’re hidden by the weeds that I refused to pay Hobo Number One to cut down.

3.” KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!” There’s a sign on the door (placed Prominently) that says Please Ring Bell. If you are that illiterate yet are still able to find Thunderbird and a shopping cart  to perambulate along the boulevard you are a hobo. And I’m not getting off of my beautiful little ass to answer the door for stupid people. This includes family. Hell, hope it wasn’t Zombie Ed McMahon with that 10 Million dollar check. Hmmmm.

4.  The well-known alkies in front of the ‘Little Nugget’ downtown. Home of the  famous Awful Awful burger and BEST burger in town. Normally there are a group of hobos collected here, only because the Little Nugget (yes there is a big Nugget but that’s another blog) can’t afford the outside security available at Harrah’s, The El Dorado, Circus Circus  or any other of the more upscale casinos in town. Actually the Little Nugget Hobos are off about 10 feet from the front door of the Casino.
I give these hobos my left-over burger and fries. Trust me, these are the  high-end Hobos. Well-fed. Usually have a little booze, a kind word (as opposed to the usual grunt or attempted wolf-whistle; difficult with 7 teeth). Speaking of which I’ve noticed a higher ratio of teeth-to-Hobo on these guys.
Have a  good friend that gave them $5.00 one time; to split between them for some booze. Have no idea how many were kneed that night in the melee.
No not really. There was no fight. Above mentioned friend TK asked which among the group was their leader. After some head lice scratching, beard fumbling, apparent concentration one of the men stood tall and announced ‘I’m the leader.’  TK handed the Hobo the fiver and told him to get a bottle to split amongst he and his friends. A cheer went up and we made a lot of Hobos very happy that night.
That man, leader of the Little Nugget pack, truly is…..King of the Hobos.

So one day, if you’re in Reno looking for a dive to play slots at, the best burger for a 100 miles and good strong cheap drinks remember me. No really. At this rate I’ll be there (outside) with my melodica, flute and a hat to collect tips.

Don’t feel sorry for me. Just save some fries and half of your burger; easy to do. An Awful-Awful can feed two easily.
Really, anything for a half of an Awful-Awful.
Especially after 2: 00 a.m.

And maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll be Queen of  The Hobos!

~Miss R

33 thoughts on “Springtime in Reno!

  1. This reminds me of a hobo joke, how do you mean why
    not tell you right now? Well okay I will then but don’t blame
    me if it’s hobo shi, I mean tripe so there 😦

    Three hobo’s are starving and one of them, shall we say Andro
    has a bright idea of getting some easy meals, okay her we go 🙂
    “There’s a house over there that has fifteen cars in the drive so
    how about we stagger over there and grab some nosh?”
    “Wow you’re a freakin’ genius”, Guap belched, shaking Andro’s
    hand and adding “Can we have Pizza?” Andro turned and said
    “Are you busting? Can’t you wait until after we have eaten Guap?”
    Guap had a puzzled look on his face but nodded anyway, which
    kinda sorted that one out, I think? Meanwhile Binky had a quest
    to eat as much chocolate as he could find, though dumpsters in
    Reno only do garbage so that idea faded after the fisrt rummage,
    and then he said “Well then smart arse, where do we get this slap
    up feed then, and how? I’m starving”. After a quick shake of the
    head Andro smiled and pointed to a slimy mess on the floor.
    “I’m freakin’ hungry too but I’m not eating that crap” Guap shouted.
    “We are not going to eat it”, Andro laughed, and went on “But those
    snobby assholes don’t know that, anyway just you wait and see”.
    After the old short straw method it was binky to try Andro’s grab a
    meal for hobo week notion and so with a lot of hesitation he picked
    up a nice dollop of the crap and took it with him, knocking on the
    rich guys door and waiting, and waiting, and… “Who the fu, I mean
    who are you knocking on my door dressed like a tramps backside?”
    the butler asked. “Sorry to bother you mate, I wonder if you could
    spare some salt to put on this, I might eat rubbish but I do like salt
    on my grub” Binky smiled. Suddenly the lady of the house came to
    the door and pulled Binky into the kitchen. “My poor dear, drop that
    in the bin and have some of this deliciously made chocolate with a
    pancake surprise, I know it’s not what you are used to but please, do
    eat up”, she said. Binky had never had it so good and ate the lot, as
    he left the lady of the house gave him some wine gums as a big treat.
    “You were right Andro it worked, wow am I full now” Binky said, feeling
    really full after his chocolate and pancakes. “My turn next”, Guap shouted
    and ran over to the house, crap in hand and knocking away like it was
    chicken ranch weekend. “Ahhhhh another hobo, now that is a surprise”,
    the butler grunted. Then as Guap was about to leave, the lady of the
    house insisted that he should have a three course steak meal with all
    the wine that he could drink. Guap was right in there, scoffing away like
    he had never eaten steak before, well he hadn’t for a while I guess?
    Afterwards the lady even gave him a doggy bag for later, kissing him
    on his cheek and… Well never mind what else she wanted but Guap
    was only too happy to give it to her, whatever it was? lmao Okay on
    with the joke, now after Binky and Guap had their fill it was time for
    Andro to grab whatever treats he could and rushed over to the house
    crap in hand and eager to enjoy his rewards. Andr kncked at the door
    and the butler answered, saying “Bloody Nora, and shouted very loudly,
    oh no not another freakin hobo”. Andro was already licking his lips in
    anticipation, as the master of the house appeared from nowhere. “Now
    what is all this noise, who is at the door Parker?” The master asked.
    “Just another hobo after a meal sir” he said. The master looked at Andro,
    saw the crap in his hand and said, we can’t have you eating that shit,
    nip around the back of the stables and find yourself a warm piece”.

    Not all stories have a happy ending do they? 😦
    Sorry for the long drawn out joke Miss R and hey
    I certainly enjoyed your posting 🙂 Have fun today
    and watch out for those smelly hobo’s 🙂 lol

    Andro xxxx


  2. I’ve only been to Reno once (maybe 15-20 years ago) … but I love a good burger! Meanwhile, this post reminded me of this.


    • We have two In and Outs. One is in Sparks (Reno is so close to hell you can see Sparks!) and the other in Wyoming. Okay it’s technically still Reno but is the cost of a double double, fries and a shake in gas to drive to.
      Missed In and Out when living on the East coast like a drunk misses White Castle on the West coast.
      Don’t ask me how I know this


  3. Pingback: On Learning the True Meaning of Community | Pondering Spawned

  4. I use to go to Reno all the time, liked it better than Vegas. I loved playing Blackjack at the Nugget, nice dealers and great tables (meaning I usually won).

    One of these days I will get back there.


  5. Whatever NYC squeegee guys use just makes the windshield worse.
    Sadly, since Mayor Guliani, the quality of hobo here has just gotten worse and worse.

    Awful awful burger? Hmm….


    • Guap, if they build it you will come. Hmmm or something like that. Get yes naked tuchus out here and I’ll hook you up with the finest burger in the state. Then we’ll hit the strip clubs… where you can dance it off


    • I think you can pawn anything here Bob. Just last week I noticed what looked suspiciously like my first born in the window of Palace Pawn. Attractivly arranged between a banjo and someone’s state of the art 8 Track Player


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