You Wish You All Could Be California Girls

I killed a man in Reno just to see him die.

No, don’t worry. The Reno PD are slow to find bodies. Or their own squad cars. This has given me time to return to the state of my childhood and another ten years here after the golden age of music, idiocracy and debauchery: Living and working in NYC during the 80’s.

Left the wilds of Reno for the womb with a view in Gold Country. That’s right. I’ve moved in with my mother and step-dad. Arrived with the 24 foot moving van, electronics, musical instruments, 3 pieces of furniture, more books than you can shake a librarian at, more music than you could shake a piano at, Lizzie Borden the cat, and most importantly shovels, axes, Hefty bags, cinch ties and a valid passport.

Arrived Thursday night in northern California, nestled between Lake Tahoe and Sacramento. Mountains, forests, working gold mines hidden in the hills and pot farms. It’s nice to be home.

Been rolling rolling rolling the past two months.  Got the Cadillac of Walkers here. Four wheels. Count ’em FOUR. Still looking for an electric wheelchair to do my Bette Midler routine. Walk like Lurch. If Lurch were 5’2″ tall and a gal with an hourglass figure. My hourglass just has 20 minutes more than the dull standard item. Trying to get a handle on leaving friends behind, people who weren’t friends behind and people I had to duct tape to the furnace behind. Hold on, let me turn on the tunes and hit shuffle.

Wow! You Get What You Give.

Plan to sit outside in the sun later. Already seeing myself as FDR out in the yard. Hand me that blanket will ya? All I need is a war room to work on the current world domination plan. Or, I could paint a Risk board on the patio table. Will let you know. Having a freakish stretch of warm weather before the snow. Yeah I’m still close to Donner Pass. If I invite you for dinner be sure to bring your own utensils. Rolling around in salt and garlic before leaving your place would be a nice touch.

I’m trapped with the parental units until Spring.
Some Good Points:
Room and Board $300.00 a month
Save some money for the first time in 5 years. After time in Baltimore I’ll find a new place here in NoCal.
Plenty of time to work on strengthening exercises and PT
No longer forced to call the fire department to change my bib
Someone around to help me get up when I go crashing to the floor
Chance to meet new friends! Okay it’s the damned mailman but we’re taking baby steps
No distractions to keep me from writing and pondering
Some Bad Points:
Have to ask mommy to drive me to the store or meeting
House is on a hill so there is no escape. It’s literally all downhill from here
I can’t leave my room without an interrogation. I now expect a Spanish Inquisition.
Both of my parents are deaf as fuck. Everyone is shouting. All of the time. Note to Self: Holidays approaching. Purchase Hearing Aids. Learn ASL. Teach parents.
Am not improving and the looks of pity from the family are killing me.  I really do shake rattle and roll! Thank god I’m a piano player.
The man I loved left me. It’s a bitch to try and suddenly un-love someone.
Johns Hopkins is in fucking Baltimore. Not a winter get-away destination. Have to hold on until Spring.
No distractions to keep me from writing and pondering

never waste t ime

Got my cat, was allowed to keep one desktop and one laptop. Quote from mom “What the fuck?! You have too many electronics.”  Yes, I received the Executive Training in Expletives from Mom. “What the hell is that?!”  It’s my practice amp Mom. “For the love of Christ what is this?” It’s a Blue-Ray player mom. “You are NOT taking all of those computers into the house!” Okay Mom I’ll just leave my life’s work in computer coding, the graphics server and other two towers in the climate controlled storage unit. Ooops snuck in a second laptop. Hope she doesn’t find my stash. Of computers. Damn that’s just sad. I need to find weed just to really get that ‘home for semester break’ feel.

But it’s okay mon, Everything is gonna be alright!

I get a do-over. Not many people are given that option. Sure it comes at a price but doesn’t everything. Plan on spending a month or two at Johns Hopkins this Spring. Going to be a guest at the world’s only clinic dedicated to Transverse Myelitis. Enroll in any and all of their clinical trials. Learn new ways to ambulate with their specialized PT program. I’m SO ready.

With caring, learning and self-love I’m going to not only walk unassisted again but kick some ass. Gonna dance under the moonlight on the playa. Spend lots of time strolling the streets of San Francisco with my daughter. Laugh with friends. Meet new people… and try not to kill them. Who knows what this coming ten-year cycle will bring.

It’s a new state of living. The state of California. Miss R home for the holidays. Swimming pools, movie stars.

Well now it’s time to say
Goodbye to Rach and all her kin,
They would like to thank
You folks for kindly droppin’ in.
You’re all invited back again to this locality
To have a heapin’ helpin’ of her hospitality
City Girl that is, sit a spell, take your shoes off.
Y’all come back now, y’hear?

~Miss R

38 thoughts on “You Wish You All Could Be California Girls

  1. Wow, that’s a lot of change, a lot of things to get used to. The John Hopkins stint sounds as if it’ll be extremely valuable. Hopefully you can learn all their tricks and make some real progress. At least you’ll be with doctors who know what’s going on, so that has to be helpful. Good things should come of that.

    You said you have no escape. But your walker has four wheels and you live on a hill. That sounds like an escape plan to me! I hope you have a helmet and seat belt, though.


    • I was never very good with skateboards Binky, but Victor and Victoria took to them like wombats to, uh, whatever wombies take to!
      Yep I got 4 wheels AND brakes. Just worried about getting back. Hmmm maybe I can attach a tow rope and hitch a ride uphill. The helmet idea is a splendid one. Don’t want to wind up like Gary Busey.
      Problem with TM (Transverse Myelitis) is that the main symptom, that never goes away, is chronic nerve and muscle pain. It’s so rare that there are no charities or financial help. The money I save by living with my parents is going towards the trip to Johns Hopkins.Want to dive into their Pt program. Have no balance now since I can’t feel my feet. Know they’ll have something to help me!

      Twitching from the ‘electrical shocks’ is difficult to deal with. I send friends away when it’s bad. Makes people uncomfortable. Wanted to go to Disneyland for my birthday Tuesday but afraid the kids will think I’m a new ride!


      • I was thinking of it more like a permanent escape. You know, in case things get unbearable. Or more unbearable.

        I’m sorry that you have chronic pain. I hope you have some medication that can make it more manageable. That’s a real problem with orphan diseases. Little research and knowledge. You should have picked a more common disease, but no, you had to be different than everyone else.

        I think a SF metal helmet with antennae that spark and some flashing LEDs would go really nicely with your twitching. Then you could just tell everyone it’s not you, it’s the helmet and THEY are controlling you.

        The trip to John Hopkins sounds as if it’ll be a great opportunity. I hope that is very productive for you.


        • Going to need a blacksmith to construct a new helmet Binky. My old tinfoil hats are not sturdy enough to hold up the LEDs and spinning metal thingees. Just today I received messages from 457 men, 403 women, 16 cats, a psychiatrist and three Wombies.
          I see a goldmine here. Add a few feather and sequins for the ladies, maybe sports team logos for the guys.

          Prescribed Lyrica for the electrical shocks/twitching. Oxycodone for the pain. Only problem with the latter is that it’s an opiate. Got Fiber?!

          Hey if I can get a one in a million (some research puts it one in 4 million) shot at TM and transpose it into luck with the lottery I’ll be a happy gal! Treats for all and a cabana boy to serve me bon bons every day 🙂


  2. I hope Johns Hopkins helps – you deserve a long streak of good luck … I do miss the Sierras, say hi to them for me, and save me a seat when they call “Donner, party of 4” … weird, I just heard the New Radicals song yesterday for the first time in years … you can never have too many computers, right?


    • So good to see you. Haven’t been able to read your most recent posts. Or anyone’s for that matter. Good to be settlling in so I can catch up! How are YOU?
      We had a beautiful day here. 75F. A reprieve before the snow falls. I shall give the Sierras your love.
      Yeah. hadn’t heard the New Radicals song in a long time either and it just popped up today. seemed appropriate. You take care my friend.


  3. Rock and roll girlfriend! There’s that chutzpah and intensity I knew was still in there! Yes, you will walk again… and there is a man who just might be man enough to take you on! It’s gonna take some serious testosterone! 😉 But more than anything, I’m so happy to see that you are writing and putting it out there. I’d love to chat privately and hear more. Proud of you Rachael; you can do this!! You are twice the woman that most of us are. <>


    • Thank you Sweetie!
      Such wonderful cheering words. Thank you so much. It’s good to have the time and ability to write. Have a lot of reading to catch up on as well. Many posts from amazing writers will go unread but I’ll have time to drink down the new ones.
      Needed some positive reinforcement today. I shall do as you say: Rock and Roll!
      Still have my email addy?


  4. John Hopkins will prove to be able to help you bunches, Rach…I just feel it!
    Hmmm, out of the big city to the country. Look out Rach, that happened to me after living in big cities for 42 years. Ten years later of living in the country I sounds like a hick…haha, apparently I write like one too, and use their slang. Oh yeah, I move much slower too.
    Thanks for your recent visit…Y’all come back now, y’hear?


    • Deb, still waiting to hear back on the financial hardship programs they offer. Gah, appreciate the wonderful thoughts!
      Know what you’re talking about in regards to city folk country folk. Done both as well. When I get pissed off my Brooklyn accent comes creeping back -and I only lived in NYC in my 20’s for 10 years. Grew up in LA lol.
      Moving slower? I’ll loan you one of the walkers and we’ll race!! Winner buys the chocolate hehehe


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