Due to a Creative Block currently tying up Highway 50 just east of Right Side of the Brain Plaza off-ramp, YoYo-Dyne finally presents today’s offering. There has never been a post so bone -headed -chilling, spell-binding, spine crackling, lacking in original concept and dripping with so many useless adjectives it’s reminiscent of rats abandoning a neglected blog.
You’ll Laugh! You’ll Cry! You’ll Drool with Joy!
Hell, you’ll go running next door to rub your balls on the neighbor’s dog!
Sit back, grab a beverage and get ready to find out some frightening facts about our readers
THE WEIRD AND DISTURBING SEARCH TERMS USED TO LAND HERE AT
YOYO-DYNE PROPULSION SYSTEMS
- Sloths for Sale – The first thing that came to mind upon seeing this was naturally ‘Dammit. It’s no longer legal to sell The Demon Seed ™ since she’s over 18.’ To my knowledge there are no sloth pictures, sloth memes, wash sloths or Placental Mammals of any kind lurking on the premises.
- sloth for sale – NO SLOTHS FOR YOU! There are three additional sloth related search terms as well. I became perplexed and did a search of the site. Then fell back to sleep.
- Funny Reason To Hire Me – This had a lot of views. Several years ago I wrote a post called Amazingly Compelling Reason To Hire Me. In all humility it is the funniest CV ever produced. What scares me about the number of queries on this one is that some poor schmuck is looking to steal my intellectual property. Albeit 6 year old intellectual property. Swine.
- dead christmas tree – When I think twisted humor, mental illness, sobriety, cute kitties, and rare neuro-spinal diseases the first thought is always The Yoyo-Dyne Propulsion Systems’ Dead Christmas Tree Lot and Sloth Farm’
- fuck my weed and my weed fuck – While I neither endorse nor condone the use of any controlled substance (Try it. What are you? Chicken?) there is no phrase remotely similar to either of these well thought out searches. We do not endorse nor condone the use of expletives either. You weed fucker.
- fapping to facebook pictures – Yes it’s true. There is a lengthy comment section on a piece in which I try to explain fapping to some of my favorite readers, mostly in the UK and Australia. Yes. It was in relation to a F**eBook status I’d written that day. Yes. I have no shame.
- hanukkah santa sorry change the door – Truly, this cannot be explained. Let’s move on shall we?
- dumbass ex husband pic – Hahahahaha. Joke’s on them. I have two dumbass ex husbands.
- sloth un rape – Dear god what is wrong with people? Just saw this one. Sloth.
- purple bondage tits – For you long time readers there’s no question why this baby showed up. WP insists on giving YoYo-Dyne the equivalent of an R rating. Someone in the head office likes boobies but won’t share. Sonny wouldn’t Cher either and look what happened to him.
- pimped out walkers – These two anonymous Googlers made my dark cold heart swell three sizes today
- stephen hawking drunk – another twofer! Yep it isn’t enough that the guy is a human autoclave. Let’s give Steve a hangover and let him click-twitch-bang-clackety his way to the fridge for an early morning PBR.
- mitt romney fuck – This speaks for itself
Here are a couple more just because: homeless whore – two queries using this search term; probably the ex husbands, -peter o’toole and cat, -why germans always loose the war, -draun rag vineo yo yo hane sige, -sex, drugs & wheelchairs, -i feel fantastic
Had the usual 100+ hits for Hanukkah Harry, End of the World stuff, Depressing Playlists, anything and everything Burning Man, and at least twenty regarding Wombies.
I suggest using at least six of these search terms in your next writing endeavor. Obviously these are my people. They can be yours too.
No need to thank me. My job is to be a ray of sunshine in your rain clouded Word program of brain storms.
You’re welcome.
~Miss R
Yes Rachael my dear, you are a genuine 100% ray of sunshine…
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Bless you my son
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I still cannot find the dead Christmas tree? Y U NO SHOW DEAD CHRISTMAS TREE! 🙂
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Ha! you know, i have yet to find the damned thing either. not to mention the sloths. think they’re under the dead hanukkah bush. we’re a proud atheist-pagan-hebe-any-ritual-that-involves-dead-trees-and-chocolate family. considered adding satan worship last year but those guys never smile. eeeediots!
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Yours speak better Engrich than mine. Color me jealous. ❤ xxx
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Thank-eh you-eh Miss Redd! Fine praise for this here illiterate indeed 🙂
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you are a truly witty person Rachael. long may you wave. continue…
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Tony, coming from you that truly means so much. Thank you my friend.
xo
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What, no searches for “cute chocolate Wombies”? Clearly people don’t know what they’re missing.
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Binky, I honestly had at least 20 different search terms for Wombie related information. Also another 15 or so looking for various wine gum posts.
Hope this helps make up for the last batch of Maynards you shipped!
Cute chocolate Wombies should have been in the stats. Can’t understand it. Thinking next time.
Still trying to find a way to use your beautiful birthday card from Victor and Victoria in a post. I shall put on my Magic Waffle Cap and ponder this further.
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Once the Wombies infect a blog, they are very hard to eradicate!
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You kids get into everything!
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I see someone’s been studying there Google Analytics. Addicting, eh? At least the #1 search term on your site ain’t “girl fucks dog.” It is on mine. Sigh.
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I meant “their” not “there.” Embarrassing. That’s what I get for typing high…
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That’s okay. My post is what you get by mixing oxy with psych meds
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Seriously? On a political blog? hahaha. Sorry but that’s just so hysterical in context..
Had several search terms including the word ‘pedo.’ There may actually be (an ancient) Pedo Bear reference on the site. How many years ago was that meme popular? Yeah, got your wtf right here babe.
Thanks for the visit and the comment hon!
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Sloths freak me out completely so sex with one………..shudder
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Perhaps Aunty Bill has a few pointers on interspecies romance.
Okay sloths creep me out too and must be related to opossums. Creepius PseudoMammalius is the Latin nomenclature.
Found it on Wiki. It must be true.
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I will ask him/her!
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‘Purple Bondage Tits’ the new name of my band.
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I see a bright future Scott! What sucks is that CBGBs is closed 😦
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Indeed! I’m glad that I got to see music at CBGB’s. One of the most disgusting bathrooms I’ve ever had the pleasure of pissing in.
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Love it! I too was a visitor to the place back in the 80’s. The open sewer that served as a restroom was a vile sigh. I never cease to share with anyone who will listen to me. Ha!
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I looked at my search term results on the dashboard, and it’s very boring over here.
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Frank, I don’t believe it. Not even one somewhat disconcerting sexually bizarre tidbit? No bestiality? What the hell are you doing over there? I gotta stop by right now and read your latest piece of literary goodness.
We have to replace those viable search terms on your Dashboard with crap you can use for an emergency post.
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On the Site Stats page … correct?
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you got it
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Nothing much there to get excited about … but I will keep watching.
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Your search terms are far more interesting than mine, I think I must up the ante soon.
How did I miss this?
Are you okay? I worry for you.
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Val, there’s nothing better than a random check of the site stats. I never remember to look at them. My writing is for myself and the limited but obviously highly intelligent audience who enjoy my absurd rambling. Could never understand writers who check their stats daily, moan about them and give a crap about numbers. Sheesh.
Am I okay? In all honesty no.
There has been no improvement in the last two months.
Stretches and hand weights have helped build up upper body strength though and there is tone to the calves of my still fantabulous legs -grin-. Still have paralysis in the feet, ankles and lower legs.
Have not heard back from Johns Hopkins regarding a hardship application to attend their TM clinic for a month or so.
Not going into anymore detail on the physical side and especially about what I feel. People who constantly rail on about physical ailments are dull and eventually begin to piss me off.
Don’t want to be like that. Know what I mean? Oh hell. Too late.
Val, you are so kind to ask about the Transverse Myelitis and to think about me. You are not only a talented writer but one of the most empathetic and sweet person I’ve ever met in the blogosphere..
Hope YOU are hanging in there my friend.
xo
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But, other than that, you’re fine.
John Hopkins better accept you! Or they’ll face a Wombie revolt.
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You betcha Binky. Felt good enough this morning complete the FULL series of exercises and do all the cute little 2 pound hand weight reps too. Ta Da!
Heard back from Hopkins this morning. The coordinator says I am a perfect candidate for two of their clinical trials, and the rehab unit is amazing. If I get an answer on the financial end I’m there ASAP.
It’s strictly out-patient but I’ve heard they do have housing available at times. Would need to live in Baltimore for six months to complete one of the trials. Always wanted to visit that city. Need to take a moody picture of myself at Poe’s grave hehehe.
The threat of a Wombie revolt may just convince them! Thank Fraz and Chirs and Winky for offering to take up arms (and legs).
If you see Peter please ask him how he is feeling.
Need to keep an eye on my friends 🙂
xo
~R
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That’s great news! I hope you can get the financial help as well. It’s an opportunity that you can’t afford to miss. To be involved with professionals who actually know something about your disease has to be beneficial.
Little weights may not seem like much, but any progress is far better than losing ground. One small step at a time. Baltimore really likes its Oreos, so it has to be a good place to be. And don’t worry about that other guy. We keep him on his toes.
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At last! A legitimate reason for drooling on myself!
(Does that make me a sloth?)
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EG: We are sorry to inform you that your application for Sloth-ness has been rejected. We welcome any further submissions.
sIgned,
Sister Mary Slapanasshat.
p.s. Drooling is the new black. You’ll be a hit at parties and have a potential career ahead as a Basset Hound. Congratulation!
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i love checking the search terms that landed on my blog. a few days ago i had “fellatio spank.” no clue what that means. last week i had “does anal hurt.” love that one, but no idea how it resulted in my blog.
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Ha! Yeah that’s what kills me. How did my blog turn up in the search results for this bizarre collection of random queries. The search terms are pretty much the only things I’ll look at. The amusement factor is not to be denied!
Laughing at ‘does anal hurt.’ appearing on your Dashboard./ wtf?!
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You are surely at your best, or one of your bests, when you’re spunky and fresh. Love this post, Rachael. Funny and witty, clever and snarky. Bravo! How the hell did Mitt Romney Fuck get in there and sloth un rape? Yowza! That said, I did a post on this quite a while ago(http://talesfromthemotherland.me/2012/11/14/the-middle-sniffing-butts-and-michelle-obamas-affair-its-all-here/), and there were some pretty wild search engines. There are some sick fucks out there… as well as some crazy ass people like us. 😉
SO happy to see you out swinging today! xo
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Oh you are SO good to me girlfriend!
Will check out your referenced post tonight, assuming I’m not asleep by 9:30. Fucking TM fatigue keeps me from keeping up with The Blacklist and American Horror Story.What that is sad, Did I mention I don’t get out much?
Yep, was literally incapable of even leaving comments on other people’s blogs. Then it hit me like a truck and splattered an idea all over my brain: use a tried and true subject. Ta da!
Thanks again. Your words always make me smile and send that special feeling of nuttiness flowing through the ole (yet spectacular in it’s own special way) body.
Here’s to The Crazy! Note: We will not be bringing you the traditional Cabernet toast today due to an allergy -grin-
xxx
~R
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🙂
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My best ranking post and most searched keywords is ….wait for it … Prince William’s penis. Of course I have photos!!!
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Loon: LMFAO. Is there anything remotely referring to that on your site?
Never seen a royal penis and feel you are hoarding a viable uplifting resource from the blogging communitry
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“Sloths for sale” could just be someone with a lisp looking to buy a slot machine 🙂
My search terms are more boring than yours. But they are scarier, because I keep getting visitors looking for nuclear launch codes.
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That was NOT me.
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a likely story Binky!
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X, the slot machine thing could be correct. Just moved from Nevada heh.
Nuclear launch codes? Sloths…..in……Space!
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I just noticed this posting but I will be back soon to add my thoughts
Miss. R 🙂 Hey and YOU be good while I am out of the building, or else? 😉 lol
Andro xxxx
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Oh thank you Andro 🙂
You know I miss you you naughty boy of the darkness
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I am a bit naughty sometimes but yes
of course am trying to be good for a change 🙂 😉 lol
I will be calling back
soon, YES SOON 😉 lol
Andro xxxx
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You’re suntastic, Rachael!
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Hook, I am a shining beacon of sunshine and puppies.
Sometimes hatchets. Thanks for dropping by!
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Why is is that you are so incwedably bwilliant at bwogging Miss. R 😉 🙂 Of course I know the answer already, it is beacuse you are such a talented, creative, naughty, wicked, cool, definitely with class, beauty, purple tits, and a scrumptious young flasher, no sloths, chickens or rampant co… erm let’s stick with the chickens for now 🙂 lmao I love this place Rachael, you’re a star 🙂 😉
Have a Happy thanksgiving and watch out for any of those rampant cocks, I mean chickens 😦 lol
Andro xxxx
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You ALWAYS make me feel better! Andro, I’ve been absent for a while -brain and body ha!- but seeing your name pop up brought me out of the crypt to say hello and offer a thank you and Happy Spanksgiving back atcha!
❤ ❤ ❤
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Your spanksgiving must have been great,
lots of whipped cream and lip smackingly
delicious too 🙂 have a happy weekend my
sweet and naughty great friend 😉 🙂
Andro xxxx
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Happy Thanksgiving to you and your daughter my sweet and dear friend 🙂 😉
Andro xxxx
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Awwww thank you Andro! Will have an extra slice of apple pie in your honor. You bring the whipped cream 😉
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No problem, I have some other treats on offer too,
just don’t tell anyone or we might lose out on those
extra naughty ones 😦 Now bend over and take the
punishment, how do you mean what is it? 🙂 Never
you mind, cheeky 😉 lmao
Yes I am sharing out the wine gums as you read 🙂
Andro xxxx
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