Alright Alright: New project started

Have decided to attempt an activity which may help revive and give life some slight meaning. It requires a skill set that I used to be paid for. Most times handsomely and regularly. Occasionally totally stiffed on.
Goddamned web illiterate cheap bastard loser pointless mind-changing private clients.

Due to my current physical condition, depression and attention span; which is currently less than Lizzie Borden’s (my cat who is too inbred to kill anything) this project will take at least 10x longer than the good old days. Which is why it has nothing to do with commerce either. That and a true inability to work or concentrate. Good god look there. A piece of lint on the floor! Oops sorry. Remember kids: OCD and Genius are only a tiny portion on the list of crazy that inhabit this body.

Dammit. Just remembered that the salt and pepper shakers need to be aligned on the kitchen counter as well.

Said project is a new website. Yep, used to write code, design sites, piss off clients and a huge media corporation without being fired due to a sick sense of humor, and do all the SEO as well. At one point worked as a Web Mistress for Warner Brothers before eventually moving to an Executive Producer. Then worked for private clients.

Prior to that I created, wrote the witty and catchy copy, designed graphics, leaned new codes and Flash, helped write, BETA test and used a new shopping cart software, and learned it all on my own. Remember GeoCities and a book entitled ‘HTML for Dummies?’ What the hell did I know except business, finance, music and a devout hatred, and exhaustion, of corporate culture?
Learned it all beginning in 1995 to have an e-commerce portion of Cabin Fever; the retail store(s) I owned, worked and succeeded at for 10 years.

Northern Michigan location of Cabin Fever

you wonder why I called the stores Cabin Fever? Heh.

The new site will involve a certain subject which is interesting, amusing, and in the past generated loads of emails. Most of them unintentionally hysterical. Of course the best (read ‘worst’) were culled and posted. I replied in the normal way. You know… totally slamming the writer without them realizing it. Loads of laughter ensued. From visitors who read that page of the site, but myself… of course.

That’s all I’ll say for now. Got the domain name and hosting taken care of today. Some fucktard took my old domain name during the 4 years the entire site has been down. Most of the pages for the portion which is being resurrected (It’s a miracle! Praise Flying Spaghetti Monster!) have been lost/destroyed/stolen by Ancient Astronauts and innocent victims of computer crashes.

Let’s see if it can be done shall we? And thank Mom for giving me an early birthday gift of the money to purchase the hosting  package.

Betting Pool starts today. Sign up with your local bookie. Or better yet, I’ll hold your money using an escrow type of situation. For legal purposes we’ll refer to it as the  lingerie drawer.

~Miss R

That’s the way to do the Varsity Drag

the Ruling Class

Just finished watching The Ruling Class, a gem of a film, and shockingly not well-known. Amazing dialogue, satire, bizarre brief yet wonderful musical bits. It is among Peter O’Toole’s best performances. He was nominated for an Oscar. From this there is a soundtrack in my head consisting of The Varsity Drag, Dem Bones and My Blue Heaven .

This is the first time I’d seen it in a good 20 years. Thank you Netflix. Forgotten that one of the female leads was played by the same actress who played Harold’s mother in Harold and Maude. Both were made about the same time, during the Vietnam War. And both were made as indictments of the established order. I believe that MASH was also made the same year.

The Ruling Class leads the viewer to believe that this is a twisted and dark comedy, but as we say at Spanky’s on the playa at Burning Man.

Spanky's Wine Bar at Burning Man

”This will all end in tears.’

We say it as a joke whenever a clusterfuck breaks out.

This is one of the few movies I can watch without tears dropping down my face at the ending. Hell, I’ve cried at the endings of fucking Doctor Who episodes. The Demon Seed admits she has too but the little wench laughs at me when she catches me weeping on the phone, asking why she didn’t warn me. Yes we are both geeks. What about it? You don’t believe me, just step outside and see me baby.

Hey, I was bi-polar before being bi-polar was cool. Not to mention I was a Punk before you were a Punk

Heh. betcha I got you with Fee Waybill and crew. Well pray, really really hard.
To me.
I may bestow  a bit of the title tune on you as well.

Hmmm other firsts? Listed in no particular order but as an exercise to boost the current rock I’m holding for Sisyphus. He had to grab a coffee. Fucker’s been gone over six months.

First student at my college to enroll and begin at age 15 (and the school had already been around for 150 years by then).

First woman in my town to have a tattoo. That was 18 years ago and I don’t want another one. Who the hell Doesn’t have one these days?

First woman my age (45) to have a tongue piercing in the vicinity. Was late to the nipple piercing action but ooh it hurt so good. And feels absolutely delicious now. Too bad gravity has had it’s way with my boobs.

First started my musical ‘career’ playing Gay bars; standards,show tunes and ragtimte. The Whiskey and Madame Wongs came later playing in a punk band. Because I lied about my age. I was 16 not 21. So all you owners that stiffed me way back when? Because all you saw was a girl with big tits standing at an Amazon stature of 5’2″? Go fuck a porcupine you pricks.

First in my family to be the eccentric, but beloved, black sheep and eschew the medical degree deemed proper in our family.
The Demon Seed has declared her intention to get a PhD is psychology. Way cheaper than med school. Her first choice was psychiatrist. So back to doctors we go.

Now I’m almost 50 and I have is my daughter, and she’s going way next month to college, and memories.  And a big-ass concert grand piano.

And perhaps this is why I didn’t cry at the end of The Ruling Class.

Everything changes. Transforms. But mostly sneaks away quietly. It has become so difficult to fight the established order.

And I’m scared as hell. And the current point in life’s curve should probably have had me already hospitalized.

Maybe coming to terms with it all is beginning. And it all started a long time ago. In college.  Fighting back against anything and everything….except Music.

~Miss R

Now go and beg, borrow steal or Netflix ‘The Ruling Class.’ You’ll thank me. And perhaps send a cash tip!

Spring! It’s Hobo time in Reno

ittle Nugget Reno

the famous (and infamous)Little Nugget in Reno. NOTE: guy in picture NOT a hobo

Not sure if you’ve noticed but the increase in hobos? At least here in Reno . It’s Spring-time!

Sadly not trampoline-spring-like but season-Spring-like.

The sewer grates are no longer frozen closed and the parking garages have already had cars broken into. Not to steal a stereo. To piss in. Maybe take a nap as well. Hopefully the latter first. At least when I lived in Brooklyn they just stole your stereo and broke your window. Which is why only a cretin has a car in New York City.

Please pay attention to the examples of Springtime for Hobos and Germany as  there will not be a test later. These are the finest in Reno Hobo quotes of the last few days.

1.” Can I mow your lawn? If it gets any longer it’s very bad for the yard ” Lawn? Are you fucking kidding me? Big-ass Weed patch is a kind description. Then noted that the hobo has no lawn mower or shears. Pretty sure this guy was the ACTUAL Green River killer. Told him that the herd of hobo-eating goats would be here within 24 hours.

2. “You do realize that your house number has to painted on your curb to confirm to law? I’m willing to splash water color numbers using paint from my filthy, inbred, homeless F student’s paint set using this stolen stencil from the Dollar Store . For $5.00.”. Almost fell for this one.
Too bad for this guy; was going to trade him a can of Sterno and a piece of white bread but I’d already used those items to trade for a car wash by another hobo. You should have seen him. Hauling buckets of water from the back yard.Told him the hose was broken and the only water was around back of the house,then through the mud, and out on to the street. Heh. There are actually three spigots along the front of the house. They’re hidden by the weeds that I refused to pay Hobo Number One to cut down.

3.” KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!” There’s a sign on the door (placed Prominently) that says Please Ring Bell. If you are that illiterate yet are still able to find Thunderbird and a shopping cart  to perambulate along the boulevard you are a hobo. And I’m not getting off of my beautiful little ass to answer the door for stupid people. This includes family. Hell, hope it wasn’t Zombie Ed McMahon with that 10 Million dollar check. Hmmmm.

4.  The pathetic alkies in front of the ‘Little Nugget’ downtown. Home of the  famous Awful Awful burger and BEST burger in town. Normally there are a group of hobos collected here, only because the Little Nugget (yes there is a big Nugget but that’s another blog) can’t afford the outside security available ta Harrah’s, The El Dorado, Circus Circus  or any other of the more upscale casinos in town. Actually the Little Nugget Hobos are off about 10 feet from the front door of the Casino.
I give these hobos my left-over burger and fries. Trust me, these are the  high-end Hobos. Well-fed. Usually have a little booze, a kind word (as opposed to the usual grunt or attempted wolf-whistle; difficult with 7 teeth). Speaking of which I’ve noticed a higher ratio of teeth-to-Hobo on these guys.
Have a  good friend that gave them $5.00 one time; to split between them for some booze. Have no idea how many were killed that night in the melee.
No not really. There was no fight. Above mentioned friend TK asked which among the group was their leader. After some head lice scratching, beard fumbling, apparent concentration one of the men stood tall and announced ‘I’m the leader.’  TK handed the Hobo the fiver and told him to get a bottle to split amongst he and his friends. A cheer went up and we made a lot of Hobos very happy that night.
That man, leader of the Little Nugget pack, truly is…..King of the Hobos.

So one day, if you’re in Reno looking for a dive to play slots at, the best burger for a 100 miles and good strong cheap drinks remember me. No really. At this rate I’ll be there (outside) with my melodica, flute and a hat to collect tips.

Don’t feel sorry for me. Just save some fries and half of your burger; easy to do. An Awful-Awful can feed two easily.
Really, anything for a half of an Awful-Awful.
Especially after 2: 00 a.m.

And maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll be Queen of  The Hobos.

I’ve Been Missing You

Apologies to the great bloggers that I follow. It’s been difficult to keep up with you all, due to the long, painful and mind-numbing recovery from the spinal surgery.  The mind-numbing part is physical; a result of the damned pain and pain medications keep me from concentrating too long.  Reading has been the worst. And it’s one of my greatest loves. Along with music and sex of course. Hey I’m in physical and psychological pain here, not fucking retarded.

Am pretty sure that this situation will never end. I’ll be the one at Burning Man in the faux-fur covered, LED lit, Diet Coke and Menthos powered pimped-out wheelchair handing out Tasty Beverages to the masses. Plan on finding a way to attach a buggy or large cooler on wheels to said wheelchair. Feel free to send blueprints.

In the meantime I’ve got a lot of catching up to do on reading. And at least I’ve written something, even if it isn’t amusing.

Welllll maybe a teeny tiny bit. Like my attention span. The cat and I have been spending more and more time together watching shiny objects.

~Miss R 

Rapture Top 20 Playlist! Give it 10. You can Dance to it!

Your Top 20 Rapture Playlist!

Hitchhikers Guide

Most of you know that I’ve spent part of my life as a professional musician. And the other portion as an unprofessional one. –rim shot-

The point being: I live for music. From punk to jazz, blues to rock, showtunes to indie and ragtime to standards.

In order to make your transition to the next world –whether you’re packing for a cool beach breeze or the Mojave desert- I’m here to help. Now you have to realize that this is MY fucking list, so it’s apocalypse tunes that I enjoy. Now that we have that straightened out get ready. And, feel free to send me your own suggestions. I won’t add them to my list but I do want to hear some potentially new stuff. Damn I’m open-minded. Aren’t I? AREN”T I?

So get your iPod ready, make a new new playlist entitled, oh I don’t know, ‘We’re All Gonna Die Now Party Mix’ and start your download.

I present for you the Ultimate Top 20 Rapture Playlist for May 2011.

You can thank me next time we meet. Probably tomorrow over a beer.

  1. It’s The End of  the World – REM
  2. The End – Jim Morrison
  3. Excitable Boy  –Warren Zevon
  4. Don’t Fear the Reaper –BOC (yeah I know that’s a gimme)
  5. Ocean Breathes Salty –Modest Mouse
  6. Dead –My Chemical Romance
  7. People Who Died – Jim Carol Band
  8. Happy Phantom – Tori Amos
  9. I’m a Believer – The Monkeys
  10. Four Winds – Bright Eyes
  11. Today –Smashing Pumpkins
  12. And When I Die – Blood Sweat and Tears
  13. The End of the Tour –They Might Be Giants
  14. Dead Man’s Party –Oingo Boingo (another gimme)
  15. Re: Your Brains — Jonathon Coulton
  16. Please Don’t Bury Me –John Prime
  17. The four Horsemen –Metallica
  18. The End of the World –The Cure
  19. Apocalypse Please – Muse
  20. Gimme Shelter –Rolling Stones

Just Can’t get enough of this Apocalypse Shit!

Sing with me!  “Jesus Love the Little Children, Munch Munch Munch Munch”

Here come The Raptor! May 21 2011

Here are a few tidbits of religious history that you’re probably not aware of.  And not to worry! Each sect has it’s own incorrect ideas (and dates) for the End of Days. I am aware of them because for some bizarre reason theology and mythology (same thing) fascinate me.  I’m one of those people who are tagged by the Mormons (LDS brand) and Jehovah’s Witnesses (Jehovah Jehovah Jehovah!) in the Do Not Attempt to Assimilate Log.

First off, Christianity itself was built upon the idea of an  immediate apocalypse, one that was to occur during the lifetimes of those first followers. Ooops.
There’s nothing in the bible stating that thousands of years would pass but there are passages in Luke, Romans and Daniel which allude to ‘The End is Near.’ and it was to occur in the first century.

One of my favorite apocalyptic dates was New Years 2000 when all computers were to inexplicably self destruct into a million pieces and mankind would be thrown into the stone age. Celebrated like hell that year. I worked with computers and here were hundreds of thousands of nutbags stocking up on water, ammo, and the last porn left at the 7-11.
But I digress:

How about those Jehovah’s Witnesses? Well their history has been a roller coaster, and the religion was pretty much dead in 1925 when thousands of followers gathered on a hilltop to watch the end of the world… and of course everyone else was drinking bathtub gin and dancing their asses off. It took 50 years for the church to rebuild a following. Here are the main reasons:
1874: Date for Christ’s “invisible presence,” changed to 1914
1914: End of the world
1915: Replaced 1914 for the end of the world
1918: End of the world, the destruction of churches
1925: End of the world with the return of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob
1929: “Beth Sarim” House of Princes built in San Diego, deeded to king David and other biblical prophets for their “soon” return upon the earth
1940’s: End of the World would come with the “soon” battle of Armageddon
1975: 6,000-years of human history, the end of the world would come within “months, not years.”
1994: 80-year Generation of 1914 should bring the end of the world, 1995 redefined the word “generation” to be symbolic of general readiness for the end.

That’s a hell of a lot of Apocalypses. all in one religious sect too!
Look, I could go on about the Seventh Day Adventists, Mormons, Catholics and just about every other religion.

The Jews are still waiting for the Messiah, although the Torah does mention the End of Days there is not a prescribed date. Nor the idea of the Chosen People going to heaven and the Gentiles going to Hell.
Pretty fucking smart: make no predictions and you won’t wind up with spoiled milk, evaporating gallons of water and pallets of stale matzoh.

First Sign of the apocalypse

First sign of the Apocalypse

Here’s a fun page (note I said fun. The authors admit they have no resources to back up their claims.) I can vouch for coming across several of them myself in various scriptures and texts. No that this means a bloody thing
Scroll to Failed Prophesies.

Now certainly I’ll get some nasty feedback from my readers (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!) and all I can say is: Too fucking bad. Write your own damned blog and I’ll see you Sunday for dinner.

Have a few more visual signs to help get through the coming Days. You’ll notice that NOWHERE in this essay did I include a picture of the Four LOL Cats of the Apocalypse. If I see this damned graphic one more time I’m off to Geneva. to put sugar in the tank of the Large Hadron Collider.

Heh. I got your Supreme Being right here Baby.

Don't blame God! Blame Stephen Hawking, And Me.

Things to Watch For

Things that herald a coming Apocalypse

~Miss R

Jew-Child Guilt Wins Again

It’s what for breakfast lunch and dinner.
Eat! Eat! why don’t you call? What they don’t have telephones in California?

You know I was positive I’d get out of the whole college registration day hell and 5 hour drive (each way) to San Fransisco.  Not to mention the cost of a hotel, parking and (okay this is a plus) tasty food in The City. Just for registration, which she’d cunningly managed to miss all three times it was offered in southern California.

My absolute certainty was crushed by my delightful brilliant daughter today. How could I even doubt the power of organic Hebrew guilt? Foolish mother.

Original Plan (in my dreams apparently): Lovely brilliant daughter would arrive here in Reno about a week before starting at San Fran State. We’d go shopping and get her sheets, towels, a toaster, hot pot and all of the college dorm necessities.

Then (in this increasingly idiotic dream world) I would drop her and all of her crap at some front gate, give her a kiss, some cash, cry a helluva lot, and drive back to Reno in tears. Then I’d go see her, when she actually wanted me to, at undetermined intervals. It would be worth the drive to see her even if it were every 2 weeks.
I miss her a lot when she’s  gone.

Not so much when she’s home; she and her friends drinking all of the beer and me (the cool parent) lying to the other parents about exactly what their precious snowflakes were up to. Of course I DID force her to call in every hour to check on the hellions. Just to humiliate her in my own parental way.

No! We’re following a John Hughes movie script. Which was outlined to me this afternoon in a phone call.

The Demon Seed (see lovely brilliant daughter above) will arrive, with a year’s worth of crap, in Reno. Four days later I’ll drive her in SFSU for registration…which I will attend with her.
This was her First Guilt punch, for which she was awarded max points. After all, what kind of parent wouldn’t do this? (ummm mine?)

A week later I will drive her and her buttload of school necessities back to school (Where is Rodney Dangerfield when you need him? You back there? Shut up. I know he’s dead).

We’ll unload above mentioned 4 cords worth of dorm room filler, I’ll meet her room-mate. With my luck the room-mate’s uptight right Wing born-Again Neo-Fascist Overly Friendly parents will want to go for coffee. When all of us really need a stiff fucking drink at this point. My daughter to me today: ‘Mom! You wouldn’t leave me there and not want to meet my room-mate? What kind of parent would do that?!’ -mine-.
I replied that her roomie should be the one to worry. After all, who stashed a machete under her bed in Junior High School?
Her answer: Mom that was a long time ago.

This was Guilt Punch Number Two. A Knock-out for the Demon seed. Mom on the floor reeling with confusion.
How the hell did this happen?! My dreams. My fantastic dreams all crushed by a goth (I am NOT a goth mom), 4.0, self-aware, nutcase of a child who has spent her life attempting to prove her self-reliance.

I blame myself for two reasons:

1. Allowing her to watch John Hughes movies as a child
2. The Amazing Power of the Guilt inherent in all Jewish Children. Where do they get it?
Dear Yahweh where!

~Miss R

Broken Engine

Well it does has something to do with a motor, Okay, motor skills actually.

The whole  ‘engine’ thing was  more  than a Silly Putty stretch and more like a Stretch Armstrong  kind of stretch.

If you don’  recognize the two items that I’m referring to above  then you’ll just have  fuck  yourself and do some Googling.

And get off my lawn you kids.

There have been very few posts the last three weeks.  The surgery was long and arduous.

Am still using walker, taking opiates (which I a am weaning  myself off of )  feeling  intense pain

Right now the engine is broken and the Motor Skills are irregular and slow. My cognitive abilities appear to be  normal as well.

What’s worrying me is that it seems I’ve forgotten how to type.  Now what kind if weird side effect is this?!

Called doc yesterday to ask some questions.

Forgot to ask about this little tidbit.

Will let you know as soon as I can. This blog has taken over two hours to write.  It should have 15 or 20 minutes. The spelling is so bad, because I’ve forgotten where the keys are, that spellcheck doesn’t recognize th,yjindu.gyuiod!

~Way fucked up in Reno

Sex and Drugs and Wheelchair Roll!

I'm a Fall Risk

The yellow band around my arm says ‘FALL RISK.’ Asked the admitting nurse how my reputation preceded me so quickly. She just looked bored.

Alternative bad jokes that later occurred to me:

  • ‘A Risk for ALL Seasons’
  • This armband indicates that I do not expire for six months
  • No you cretin it’s a Pentagram not a Star of David! Wait. That’s my tattoo.

Will be out of this hospital bed in another hour, for the first time since surgery yesterday morning. To receive instruction on that hippest manner of perambulation: the walker. Can’t you see the potential for the Denny’s Senior Discount using one of these babies? Mmmm Eggs Over My Hammy.

Anyway, three hearty hospital meals here so far.  All consisting of mystery broth, apple juice box and some kind of pseudo Jell-O which is comprised solely of 4 types of sugar, coloring, seaweed (carrageenan) and chemicals I can’t pronounce without practice.

If you can remember the Wayback Machine you’ll be able to harken back to the days of coffee dispensers. Before hospitals, airports, schools or train stations had real people making real coffee. Those old vending machines offered coffee, hot chocolate, tea or chicken soup. All choices came out the same spout at the bottom. Not all at once, unless the machine was broken. This wouldn’t make the liquids any less distasteful though. The boiling goodness shot into cheap paper cups that burned the living hell out of your hand.

The point is this: the hospital Mystery Broth tastes EXACTLY like that chicken soup of yore. Pretty sure that this hospital purchased every last container truck full of that broth/soup/salt water. They’re using it to this day.

My senses are surely heightened by the horrendous pain of surgery.  Perhaps highlighted by the morphine drip, morphine button, Percocet, Xanax and Robaxin coursing through my system as I write this.

Well it’s almost time for walkers and wheelchairs. Then in about 2 months… great sex. Okay hopefully any sex. Actually I only put ‘Sex’ in the title to get your attention. And that’s MISS Post Title Whore to you.

Gotta push the button, so I’m outta here. Literally.

~Miss R

A Big Fish Story

Taken by fish line

Set the alarm clock for 4:30 am. Spinal surgery tomorrow so today was nuts. Running errands to pick up supplies for my return in 5 days.

This left one final chore. Little did I know it would take all afternoon and lead me from one end of Reno to the other, and every damned place in between.

My holy grail?  1.6 MM  width fishing line. This is some big-ass line. Started at Wal-Mart. Nope. Sent to another sporting goods store. Nope. Then Cabella’s. Nope they were out. Mind you I had a sample of the width I wanted. Finally was recommended to Sportsmen’s Warehouse.

I approached a young clerk first. He couldn’t help me. then he called over an old-timer who had appeared to have been at the store since it opened…probably in the 50’s.

The senior clerk shook his head and headed to the back room. After about 10 minutes he returned empty handed. I thanked them and turned to leave. That’s when the old guy said ‘Say! what do you need this for?’ It’s over 100 pound test. both employees looked at me. I replied  ‘Well, I have surgery tomorrow and have to remove my nipple piercings. They’re metal.’  The poor rednecks’ chins dropped as I said ‘Well you asked!’

They howled with laughter as I walked off smiling.

There was a happy ending (no not that kind you perv). I’d had the fishing line recommended by the piercing shop, but I had also ordered two plastic retainers online. they looked way too small.

Returned to Black Hole (the piercing shop) and told them my dilemma. At which point the owner said ‘No what you need is weed-whacker plastic.’ I said ‘Look, can you just try these retainers and see if they work.’

They fit. Barely.

Good thing. I’d hate to see the expression on the guy in the garden department at Sears when I explained it to him.

See you next week. Gone fishing.

~Miss R

Of Funerals, Fireplaces and Fuckers

Been a busy week here at Castille du Blaque.

A funeral but no weddings, sushi twice, the ever present feeling that I’m being poisoned by the fireplace and of course Lizzie Borden (the poker-playing-cheating Persian) horking up the annual winter hairballs at a record pace.

Built a fire this morning at 9:30 (in the fireplace, not the cross on my ex-husband’s lawn. This time.) and it’s up to a sweltering 61F at 5:13 pm.

Damn this castle is old, drafty and cold. The servant’s day off too.  It snowed as well.

Okay it’s a 1921 duplex but it’s my castle. And I’m the only servant…ummm it quit snowing by 10:30 am. in reality.

Funeral was for my boyfriend’s mom. Sad, but she’s been very sick for several years.
On the good side my boyfriend took it well. Also fabulous: No fire extinguishers were harmed when yours truly set foot in the church.

Mentioned before that Juanita was a wonderful sweet woman and I’m sure she knew it was time. Am also glad because her husband was abusive to her. At Christmas I saw that bastard pour an entire ashtray full of old butts and trash into her lap. At the time she could not walk by herself, was virtually immobile, and could barely talk.

Offered to help her up and clean off her nightgown. She looked serene and told me it was alright.
Sorry ~P (my boyfriend) but your dad is a world class cocksucking bastard.

Moving along.

Nothing to report besides that Dr. Atkins was blown off for almost a week. And I’ve blown up.  Back on the Taste-less Diet of the Damned today.

May your evening be pleasant, your family healthy, your food tasty and your hairballs land on the linoleum and not the carpet.

~Miss R

How to Do the Carbon Monoxide Boogie

bad fireplace. gimme carbon monoxide poioning!

Really. This IS the fireplace in Miss R's home

Just finished almost suffocating myself and the cat. Got to quit reading Miss Plath.

Damned smokey/wet wood and ancient fireplace. Only heat we have right now and it’s been snowing and cold. Turning on the furnace literally costs $20.00 for 20 minutes…. which is just long enough for the heat to rise from the furnace in the basement to the registers. Then we shut it off.
Only use it when the weather is below 25F. Long enough to warm the bathroom for a shower. Mmmm warm bathroom.

Last time we used the house heater was Saturday. Huge-ass scary Makes-The-Shining-Furnace-Look-Like-a-Piker that takes up a quarter of the basement. Originally built to use wood.
I could make a fortune scaring people just showing this damned furnace to people.

the neighors reaction to out Shining furnace

Neighbors Reaction to my furnace

So, went to pay the rent, came back and the living room was thick with smoke. Gone for 10 minutes tops.
If it’s finally up to 55F in your only warm room you don’t douse the fire to run pay the rent. You let it go low and don’t leave it blazing. You do not put it out.
Damn I don’t leave the house if the dryer is running.

The room was thick with smoke, my eyes watered immediately and head started to hurt. And Lizzie Borden, the infamous inbred Persian was sleeping (or possible suffocating) on the sofa. Grabbed the cat and put her in the back of the house.

Opened the door, hit the fans and THEN heard a fire engine come up the street.

Now convinced that the chimney was clogged (have had carbon monoxide poisoning twice before in the last 15 years. Both times because my houses had a wood heat) I could only think…. Oh fuck. The bill for this will kill me before the gas.

Fire engine stopped at the old folks home across the street.
As they and the ambulances do at least three times a day.

Headache is going away, cat horked up a hairball and some Purina. No biggie.

Trying to figure out why I quit smoking in January

~Miss R

A Happy YoYo-Dyne Valentine

Traditionally February 14th brings a blog, humorous Craigslist Post
-that I have carefully crafted then posted online-
or yet another rant about Valentine’s Day.

Instead this year I present you something rather more succinct yet pithy.
And have a great evening!


Politics in America: a view presented by Libby

So I’ve been watching the hellish/physical overthrow in Egypt. As well as the moments of bravery and hopefulness.

Especially since I once said that a political overthrow like this would never happen in the US but maybe it should. Am known as ‘Libby’ by all of my boyfriend’s friends. Note: My first name does not begin with an ‘L.’

Yep I’m tired of it. Tired of the verbal abuse and trying to make a cogent point in conversations. It’s always a battle of cherry-picked facts…. taken from some talking head that makes a billion dollars or a delusional mentally ill personality who glories in attention. Sometimes you can combine the two!

Saw a great blog today that gave some direct and insightful points about being a ‘liberal’ i.e. Dem as opposed to ‘conservative’ i.e. Repub.

Face it America: No matter how pissed we get about the abuse and defacing of the Constitution no one will actually begin a physical rebellion. Doesn’t matter who is president either. Yep, let’s keep that Patriot Act going folks.
The People will be voted down by the same government that they have elected:  Un-Natural Single Parent Families, Goddmaned Greens, Those Homosexuals, Lazy-Ass Disability recipients, and the Stupid Welfare Unemployed because the economy is in the tank.
Yes there ARE swine that reproduce and expect government help. Don’t get me wrong. They are in the minority.
And we should use them as a food source.

I have one child and have made up to six figures (gross) in the past and paid the taxes. With NO loopholes or money knocked off. Because I didn’t make enough to take advantage of them, according to Reagan and Bush and their work to fix the tax system.
Just a small business. I paid 30% taxes off my the gross. When Clinton was president I made enough to buy my first house. These days, am below the poverty level of the government standard. And oh yeah: After a
successful run Bush economics forced me to close after 10 great and profitable years.

Despite the fact that the Constitution was instituted to make changes or correct wrongs the Repubs are ignoring that. Let’s go backwards.You know, so our grandparents can keep eating Alpo.
Apparently Roosevelt is now a socialist bastard. As opposed to the president who pulled us out of the Great Depression. Yep Sucks to live in Norway, Denmark or Sweden. Hmmmm I don’t hear any of those so-called Socialist countries yelling Help Help I’m being repressed!

Is it me or do the rabid conservatives (particularly teabaggers) JUMP on anything that they feel is a negative about the Dems or progressives?

Here’s a bit from a guy who used to be a rabid Con then switched to Dem

    Let me quote from his blog today: 

    “Then, in June of 2009, I read a Media Matters post about Michael “I’m ashamed to be Jewish” Savage, nee Michael Alan Weiner.  The day before, Mr. Weiner stated that “The white Christian heterosexual married male is the epitome of everything right with America” Oddly enough, I was disgusted by this.  And yet, Mark actually defended this piece of filth.  I believe his words were “What did he say that was wrong or untrue?”

    My mouth was literally hanging open that someone I was friends with could not immediately denounce this as one of the most offensive things a person could say.  I confronted him, with a great deal of hostility, about the underlying premise of the statement.  If the white Christian heterosexual married male is the epitome of everything”right with America then anything not fitting that description was automatically lesser.  With me being an atheist of Puerto Rican and Jewish descent, I asked him, did he think he was better than me?  And how, exactly, was he better?  He was instantly offended and avoided answering the question.  When pressed on the point he became hostile and abandoned the thread.’

    Wish that I could be as articulate as he is on the subject.

    I Get it.
    Moved to Northern Northern NORTHERN Michigan with PsychoFuck aka ex-husband Number 2.
    At Thanksgiving dinner Psychofuck’s cousin said to me –in front of my Jewish daughter- “Oh MY GOD YOU MARRIED A JEW?!!!!”
    Why yes. You inbred dimwit.

    Here’s the deal: Hate spreads hate. Ignorant people –who only read what they themselves espouse- are killing us.
    Do we need a revolution? Yeah politically. Scary despite Jefferson’s quote. But hell, can’t we all just use some kind of rational discourse? At least for 5 minutes a day?  Try it first with your pet, then move on to a sentient being.  Baby steps.

    I’m certainly not advocating the escalating -and many times cruel- situation in Egypt. But it’s surely a daydream to believe I’ll see any real change in my lifetime. I’ll keep trying in my own little ways though.

    Wish I was a Dirty Hippie. Peace dude. Even Burning Man can’t make me think that this kind of change will ever happen in this country.

    ~Miss R

Doomed I tell you

Whoa. About to add several posts today but apparently WordPress is all kinds of wrong today.  No writing in HTML, no links, or … oh wait. I can change the font color.

Ah hell I was gonna mention aliens, Elvis, Teabaggers or an ex-husband or simply Mercury in Retrograde. Also the Newest location of Batboy. Too bad you’ll never know


~Miss R