Oh Christmas-Hanukkah-Yule-Kwanza Tree

It’s over bubb.

Oh yea verily the season is over. If you’re a woman (or the sentimental one in the relationship) you get the real meaning behind this.

GOTTA CLEAN THAT SHIT UP. I want my house back.

Let us be truthful: we endure the decorating, cooking, cleaning, stress, parties and additional holiday nightmare to mostly make our men happy. Or our children. My daughter is away at school so it’s the first time in 5 years that I’ve done this whole holiday nightmare in full.

The husband/boyfriend/significant other ALWAYS promises to help put away the décor after the holidays if only you’ll help them start decorating. No really. They WILL!

Dearest Readers. I am going on 50 and have yet to have a year that a husband or child has helped with the Nightmare after Christmas.

THE CLEAN-UP DAY (which just happened to be today):

Fresca. Ciggie to take the edge off the Commit.  Approach the needle strewn floor near the window and remove each and every item from a dead thing in the Christmas Tree Stand.

Commence dusting off ornaments, removing wire hooks, wrapping said ornaments back up in tissue paper, replacing the ‘collectible’ ornaments (Piss Off to Disney, Neil Gaiman, Fiesta Ware, Marvel, etc.) into their special boxes and taking the lights off the tree/bush/dead stick in the living room.

Removing the tree lights without physical harm to oneself is as time consuming as removing all of the ornaments on the seven foot tree.

Everything gets done. I remove the battered remnants of tree from the stand –still filled with murky water- and haul it outside. Spend another 25 minutes sweeping up enough needles from the living room and front porch (where I dragged the damned thing to the garbage) to make a Brand New Four Foot tree. Mop the hardwood floors. Vacuum the carpet. Looks pretty good in here!

Feel like celebrating and go into the kitchen to make a snack and see…. all of the other decorations that must be boxed up tomorrow; the stuff from the mantel, candle wreathes, candle sticks…. Hey at least it’s all on the kitchen table and ready to for packing.

Made a tasty libation, took a great shower and rinsed all of the dust and pine needles out of my hair. Was just about ready to sit down and listen to some music when the door opened

“What the fuck happened?! I told you I’d help you.

GODDDAMMIT the lights are all tangled I TOLD you I’d do it!”

Yeah. Right. In ‘your time’. Love  4th of July.

~Miss R