Happy Apocalyptic Eve!

Ho ho ho! Santa Cohen de  Muertos here

to wish you all a happy end of days!

Don’t forget to leave out a bowl of festive body parts -and a side of  fava beans. May you all be blessed with a fiery death and a new beginning wherever your afterlife takes you.

YoYo-Dyne’s Scientific Proof of Exactly HOW the Mayans have done away with Our World…

mayan end of the world. YoYo-dyne Burns!

Penn Jillette: Christmas

This is a damned long video. FEAR NOT!

Eh, just watch through 2:30  or so. More if you want. Dig this. Did I mention he goes on for a bit?
From yet another close personal friend of mine that has no alleged record of my current email

I’m STILL The Goddamned Batman!

I'm the goddmaned Batman

And with that meme I can only say…

Holy Shit Batman! There are over 269 272 UNOPENED emails still in the inbox. Not counting the ones already opened and unanswered.

What happened to sloth at the holidays? Over-eating to the point of being unable to fit that laptop on your lap?

Oh faithful readers and fabulous writers…. I need time. Just for a few days.

Your intrepid crime fighter had a  molar tooth pulled two days before Christmas, and all things being equal in Gotham City USA -has no dental insurance. It’s true: the Caped Crusader could not afford a root canal, crown and/or bridge and now looks like a crack whore.

ALFRED!!! Where is that ibuprofen you eeeeediot? What? I’ve used the entire 900 pill container? Well fuck it. Where’s that champagne I’ve been saving for New Year’s Eve?  Oh, there’s an ice bucket in the Batmobile.

So my friends, have patience. Replies, avid reading, and potential body detox treatments to follow.

~Toofleth in Weno

aka Mith Arrrr

Holidays! Suicide Rates Up! Corporations Thrilled!

It’s actually a myth that suicide rates increase during the holiday season. Same type of urban myth that  insists crime goes up during a full moon.

Sounds Pagan and cool though eh?

Bummer for the Insurance conglomerates.
No more threats of paying out for medical costs until Spring. Party on Doctor Garth.

Paging Dr. Howard, Paging Doctor Fine….

It's a Wonderful Life

Here’s a cheery fucking Christmas ditty. Decided to ditch the Haiku this year.

The perfect picture
Great film and memories most dear
No lighted angel nor pine bough
No comfort this year
Maybe a bell will ring
Maybe I’ll answer
and get my wings

Cheers to all of you celebrating without loved ones; gone and remembered or far away and felt.
Let’s enjoy that tuna sandwich, dearth of lights joy and family. A new year is coming. Make it through the night.

Miss R

Oh Christmas-Hanukkah-Yule-Kwanza Tree

It’s over bubb.

Oh yea verily the season is over. If you’re a woman (or the sentimental one in the relationship) you get the real meaning behind this.

GOTTA CLEAN THAT SHIT UP. I want my house back.

Let us be truthful: we endure the decorating, cooking, cleaning, stress, parties and additional holiday nightmare to mostly make our men happy. Or our children. My daughter is away at school so it’s the first time in 5 years that I’ve done this whole holiday nightmare in full.

The husband/boyfriend/significant other ALWAYS promises to help put away the décor after the holidays if only you’ll help them start decorating. No really. They WILL!

Dearest Readers. I am going on 50 and have yet to have a year that a husband or child has helped with the Nightmare after Christmas.

THE CLEAN-UP DAY (which just happened to be today):

Fresca. Ciggie to take the edge off the Commit.  Approach the needle strewn floor near the window and remove each and every item from a dead thing in the Christmas Tree Stand.

Commence dusting off ornaments, removing wire hooks, wrapping said ornaments back up in tissue paper, replacing the ‘collectible’ ornaments (Piss Off to Disney, Neil Gaiman, Fiesta Ware, Marvel, etc.) into their special boxes and taking the lights off the tree/bush/dead stick in the living room.

Removing the tree lights without physical harm to oneself is as time consuming as removing all of the ornaments on the seven foot tree.

Everything gets done. I remove the battered remnants of tree from the stand –still filled with murky water- and haul it outside. Spend another 25 minutes sweeping up enough needles from the living room and front porch (where I dragged the damned thing to the garbage) to make a Brand New Four Foot tree. Mop the hardwood floors. Vacuum the carpet. Looks pretty good in here!

Feel like celebrating and go into the kitchen to make a snack and see…. all of the other decorations that must be boxed up tomorrow; the stuff from the mantel, candle wreathes, candle sticks…. Hey at least it’s all on the kitchen table and ready to for packing.

Made a tasty libation, took a great shower and rinsed all of the dust and pine needles out of my hair. Was just about ready to sit down and listen to some music when the door opened

“What the fuck happened?! I told you I’d help you.

GODDDAMMIT the lights are all tangled I TOLD you I’d do it!”

Yeah. Right. In ‘your time’. Love  4th of July.

~Miss R