Fall Survey Says….

As we used to say in grade school…
Have a nice trip. See you next Fall.

1. Do you like pumpkin pie?
only my own; a pumpkin chiffon, home-made crust and caramelized pecans on top

2. Apple cider?
is it fermented?

3. candy/caramel apples?
caramel apples yum. candy apples gag

4 Are you scared of black cats??
on Friday the 13th when I’m underneath a ladder shattering a mirror

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
only of the past

6. Ever seen a ghost?
every day

7. Do you carve pumpkins every year?
Used to with my daughter –smile-. Probably not this year.

8. What do you like better, Thanksgiving or Halloween?
 Halloween of course. What’s better? Creepiness, costumes, candy and the macabre OR Celebrating Genocide and Family Dysfunction.
Damn. There are a lot of similarities.

9. Do you still go trick or treating?
Honey, I’m too old to trick –on any level- and the last treat I got was divorce papers.

10. Do you have a Halloween costume?
Some people feel that my entire wardrobe qualifies

11.What is your costume?
Well this year I plan to go as Miss Twin Towers. As opposed to Miss Twin Peaks which is my usual appearance.

12. Have you ever been to a real haunted house?
It was allegedly haunted.

13. Ever sleep at a graveyard?
Mmmm yummy. Maybe that’s what I’ll do this year. Care to join me?

14. Which are better… witches or zombies?
Witches of course. Zombies do make better films though.

15. Do you watch scary movies on Halloween?
Natch. This year I plan on watching Steel Magnolias or Bridges of Madison County. Ooooh Scary Boys and Girls! –she says in her best Count Floyd voice-

16. Ever heard of Michael Myers?
Heard of him? Hell I was married to that bastard for 8 years.

17. If Freddy came up to you what would you do?
Call my shrink for an adjustment in my meds

18. Do you get scared easily?

19. Do you like candy corn?
Didn’t used to but I will eat a few pieces now. There’s something so… child-like about it.

20. Do you know the song monster mash?
Bobby Boris Picket.

21. Do you remember your first Halloween costume?
Yes. A lion. Still have some old 60’s Polaroids somewhere. Always loved kitties. Grrrrrrr.
22. Finish the line… TRICK OR TREAT……
Smell my feet gimme something good to eat

23. Do you hand out candy?
I prefer handing out fresh apples with tasty razor blades embedded in their ripe flesh

24. What is your favorite thing about Halloween?
No one fave. The New Year’s celebration (told you I love Witches), dressing up, my daughter’s excitement, costumes and of course chocolate. Oh and razor blades.
25. What will you do this year for Halloween?
Sleep in a graveyard. Probably alone. As fucking usual.

26. The actual day of Halloween?
Buy plenty of apples. Well, extra razor blades and LSD too. You don’t want to run out.

Currently listening:
Little Shop Of Horrors: Original Cast Album (1982 Off-Broadway Cast)
By: Alan Menken
Release date: 25 August, 1992

Miss R’s 2007 Halloween Costume Suggestions

Halloween is almost here.
My favorite day of the year.
Hell, every day is Halloween at my house.

As usual I’ve no idea what to do for a costume this year. Although since I have no party invitations nor beau to go out with it may be a moot point.

I’m fucking sick of the usual sexy  insert woman’s costume name here” that are all alike. French maids, hot vampires, goth brides, pirate wenches.
These have all become de rigueur the past few years. Of course far be it for me to abstain from Slutty attire. It’s just become so very yawn at Halloween.

Here are some ideas that have been roiling about in my puerile little brain. A major point here is cost.
I is ‘po.

Miss R’s Difficulty Rating is listed:

George Sand: Easy
Hit the Salvation Army and purchase a tailored men’s suit, grab some parchment and carry around my antique fountain pen.

Tippi Hedren in The Birds:  Fairly Easy.
Already have a couple of Fab 50’s suits, a glue gun and can hit up Michael’s for a few fake black birds to strategically place about my body and hair. Adorn with fake blood.

Miss Twin Towers: Moderate Difficulty
Salvation Army Formal Dress. Think gaudy Bridesmaid stuff. A sash with the words “Miss Twin Towers” written across it. A Beehive hairdo with a plastic model plane stuck through it. Yeah it’s tasteless so what. It IS funny.
To be honest I did this years ago as “Miss Cerritos” after a plane crashed in the city next to us. I’ve been a sick bitch for quite some time now.

Uniquitous Crazy Cat Lady from Down the Street: Moderately Easy.
Salvation Army time again. Tacky robe, truly awful slippers, stuffed cats, big-ass pink hair curlers, cigarette dangling from mouth

Medusa: Medium Difficulty
Long Black Dress from thrift store because mine are all too cool/expensive to cut up. A plethora of plastic snakes glued onto a headband. This last will be the challenge. Have to make it look hip and not schlocky. Ask guys I see if they ‘Wanna get stoned.’

Chain Smoker: Moderate Difficulty:
Wrap chains around myself and over a few pieces of bondage attire (love those O rings) that I may happen to own. Have a pack of cigarettes sticking out of my top. I like this one. Wonder why?

Semi-Formal: Easy
Full make-up and styled hair. Wear my tailored Tuxedo jacket with a swim suit bottom and flip flops.

Natalie Portman’s Character from Garden State: Easy
Wet down hair and apply loads of product for the wet look. Pull large Hefty Bag over clothing. Bag can later be used to dispose of those pesky body parts in the living room.

Lady Godiva: Moderate Difficulty
First problem is obtaining the wig, me being broke and all. Second problem is the whole 40-year-old-body thing. Last resort costume.

A Virgin Difficult.
Okay no one would buy this.
New Rating: Impossible.

Teenaged Girl: Easy
Spend $5.00 on abandoned 70’s attire at the thrift store. Apply several shades of color to my hair; oh shit! I’ve already got this part done. Place pack of ciggies in back pocket. Walk around all night calling people “Dude” and/or telling them “Go fuck yourself you’re not the boss of me.”

Well those are my best ideas so far. By all means let me know if you’ve any of the items I’m looking for or a costume to fit a busty size 14 gal.
Feel free to use any of the above yourself. I just want pictures.
Mmmm don’t I always –wink-.

~Miss R

Currently listening:
By: Depeche Mode
Release date: 22 February, 1990