Fuckin’ A Friday!

so kinky wrong greeting card

As Friday Foolishness has been usurped by El Guapo, and Friday Follies™ by Red, we here at YoYo-Dyne present: Fucking A Fridays! As this blog will never see the light of the Freshly Pressed page (some wargarble regarding  inappropriate language) this seemed the only possible title available.

As your Bi-Polar and Bi-Coastal host it’s a toss-up to see if this weekly posting can be kept alive. Or, at least zombified. This column is dedicated to Miss R’s Weekly Weirdest/Most Disturbing/Funniest/Offensive/Musical Best of the Interwebs.  The list is limited to graphics and videos viewed during the preceding week.

WARNING: All have the potential to amuse, amaze, agitate, alliterate (didn’t see that coming did you), nauseate, masturbate or Sharon Tate. No Refunds. All Rice Must be consumed with Nigiri orders. You Must Be This Tall To Ride. One Coupon Per Table.

Okay Roll ‘em!

Mr_Noodle

Hell On Heels –Poppin’ Pills

too-stupid-to-understand-science-try-religion-856499612-800x800

Below is a shiny video courtesy of Mr. Autin from his homage to El Guapo

die alone

shit glitter

homeless warehouse whore

Hope you’ve enjoyed this inspirational quote to begin your weekend. Until next time…
~Miss R

Twinkie Twinkie Little Star

Image

 

Whew! Luckily I was able to actually try a deep fried Twinkie in Las Vegas a few years ago. In case you were wondering it was close to inedible. Ugh. Fry-O-Lator oil directly from Fremont Street. One of those things you have to try though… sort of like the dare of tasting haggis. ‘Cause you can can can.

Still, with Hostess shutting their doors I feel like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland. 

Ah, another tiny death of childhood. Just a note: There are no longer ANY Twinkies still on the shelves here in Reno, nor Hostess cupcakes, Devil Dogs or Snowballs. Hope that Twinkies really do last forever. I can already envision these being stored in a cellar next to the fine wines and Dom Perignon.

 

~Miss R

Nerve Blocks and Other Fun Shit

marty feldman young frankenstein

Home from another visit to Dr Mengele. Note: not his real name.

His specialty is pain management which makes the mind wander to ‘why does every patient exiting the procedure suites appear worse than when they left the waiting room?’

Although I stayed at a Holiday Inn Suites six years ago I am not a doctor. Who am I to question such things?

Laying prone on the surgical table, panties pulled down, in a quite ignoble way,  to reveal my lower back and top of  a lily-white flat Irish-Hebraic ass he commenced sticking six shots of white hot Lidocaine into my lower back. To numb it.  What the fuck indeed.

Thankfully heeded mom’s advice and wore a pair of ‘wares with no holes or fading.

After said joy, the real fun commenced with the really long fucking scary needle. To probe the nerves. Playfully called a Paraspinal Facet Joint and Nerve Root Injection Block Test. When the real block is done the same procedure will be performed, but with IV sedation and the nerves will actually be burned off with a laser.

Damn, get to the point.
Okay, so I’m stretched out mumbling obscenities between gasps of pain and Mengele says ‘Hmmm seems as though you have a lot of pain up near where the scoliosis is prominent.’

‘Oh you must  have gotten the films back from the neurosurgeon’ I said.  He replied “No, look at the monitor’. So I did. Wow.

Doc says ‘Yeah, quite a spine curvature there.’
In a totally straight voice I stated…….‘What hump?’

He laughed so hard that the entire operation had to be halted for a minute.

Best fucking grin I’ve had in a week.

Be Well,

~Miss R

I is for Inappropriate

I is for Inappropriate

Oh sure once again know what you were thinking.

You forget though, I still hold my pointless Mensa membership and am Hooked on Physics.

Here’s an Inappropriate Battle of the Rappin’ Physicists.
Word.

~Miss R
Amateur Physicist to the Stars

Batman is just the beginning of my geek status

Batman meme-o-rama

Second Admission: I am an avid Dr Who fan since the series started back up with the new Doctors. And own every episode of Torchwood.

Third Admission: I loved reading Watchmen

Fourth Admission: I know wayyyyyy to much about Photoshop and HTML

Fifth Admission: I ENJOY Kevin Smith’s humor

Final Admission: I wear glasses. This totally clinches it

~Miss R

I -HEART- NY

Miss NYC. Die Hipsters

Spent ten years of my life in NYC. In the 1980’s. Worked in finance and was -cringe- yuppie scum.

Well not really. Lived in Brooklyn, because who can afford Manhattan unless your grandmother died and you got the rent controlled apartment?
Wore the Yvonne Piconne suits, Reeboks on the subway and $200.00 heels under my desk. In my Rock Center office.

Did I make a shitload of cash?
Hell yeah.
Did I have a rent controlled enormous apartment?
Hell yes.

Did I have the standard issue 80’s cocaine habit?
Hell yes.

Do I miss New York?
Of course, most of all my friends.

Glad I’m missing The Hipster Years though.

~Miss R

Just Can’t get enough of this Apocalypse Shit!

Sing with me!  “Jesus Love the Little Children, Munch Munch Munch Munch”

Here come The Raptor! May 21 2011

Here are a few tidbits of religious history that you’re probably not aware of.  And not to worry! Each sect has it’s own incorrect ideas (and dates) for the End of Days. I am aware of them because for some bizarre reason theology and mythology (same thing) fascinate me.  I’m one of those people who are tagged by the Mormons (LDS brand) and Jehovah’s Witnesses (Jehovah Jehovah Jehovah!) in the Do Not Attempt to Assimilate Log.

First off, Christianity itself was built upon the idea of an  immediate apocalypse, one that was to occur during the lifetimes of those first followers. Ooops.
There’s nothing in the bible stating that thousands of years would pass but there are passages in Luke, Romans and Daniel which allude to ‘The End is Near.’ and it was to occur in the first century.

One of my favorite apocalyptic dates was New Years 2000 when all computers were to inexplicably self destruct into a million pieces and mankind would be thrown into the stone age. Celebrated like hell that year. I worked with computers and here were hundreds of thousands of nutbags stocking up on water, ammo, and the last porn left at the 7-11.
But I digress:

How about those Jehovah’s Witnesses? Well their history has been a roller coaster, and the religion was pretty much dead in 1925 when thousands of followers gathered on a hilltop to watch the end of the world… and of course everyone else was drinking bathtub gin and dancing their asses off. It took 50 years for the church to rebuild a following. Here are the main reasons:
1874: Date for Christ’s “invisible presence,” changed to 1914
1914: End of the world
1915: Replaced 1914 for the end of the world
1918: End of the world, the destruction of churches
1925: End of the world with the return of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob
1929: “Beth Sarim” House of Princes built in San Diego, deeded to king David and other biblical prophets for their “soon” return upon the earth
1940’s: End of the World would come with the “soon” battle of Armageddon
1975: 6,000-years of human history, the end of the world would come within “months, not years.”
1994: 80-year Generation of 1914 should bring the end of the world, 1995 redefined the word “generation” to be symbolic of general readiness for the end.

That’s a hell of a lot of Apocalypses. all in one religious sect too!
Look, I could go on about the Seventh Day Adventists, Mormons, Catholics and just about every other religion.

The Jews are still waiting for the Messiah, although the Torah does mention the End of Days there is not a prescribed date. Nor the idea of the Chosen People going to heaven and the Gentiles going to Hell.
Pretty fucking smart: make no predictions and you won’t wind up with spoiled milk, evaporating gallons of water and pallets of stale matzoh.

First Sign of the apocalypse

First sign of the Apocalypse

Here’s a fun page (note I said fun. The authors admit they have no resources to back up their claims.) I can vouch for coming across several of them myself in various scriptures and texts. No that this means a bloody thing
THE REAL DAY(S) OF THE APOCALYPSE!
Scroll to Failed Prophesies.

Now certainly I’ll get some nasty feedback from my readers (Hi Mom! Hi Dad!) and all I can say is: Too fucking bad. Write your own damned blog and I’ll see you Sunday for dinner.

Have a few more visual signs to help get through the coming Days. You’ll notice that NOWHERE in this essay did I include a picture of the Four LOL Cats of the Apocalypse. If I see this damned graphic one more time I’m off to Geneva. to put sugar in the tank of the Large Hadron Collider.

Heh. I got your Supreme Being right here Baby.

Don't blame God! Blame Stephen Hawking, And Me.

Things to Watch For

Things that herald a coming Apocalypse

~Miss R

A Happy YoYo-Dyne Valentine

Traditionally February 14th brings a blog, humorous Craigslist Post
-that I have carefully crafted then posted online-
or yet another rant about Valentine’s Day.

Instead this year I present you something rather more succinct yet pithy.
And have a great evening!

 

Politics in America: a view presented by Libby


So I’ve been watching the hellish/physical overthrow in Egypt. As well as the moments of bravery and hopefulness.

Especially since I once said that a political overthrow like this would never happen in the US but maybe it should. Am known as ‘Libby’ by all of my boyfriend’s friends. Note: My first name does not begin with an ‘L.’

Yep I’m tired of it. Tired of the verbal abuse and trying to make a cogent point in conversations. It’s always a battle of cherry-picked facts…. taken from some talking head that makes a billion dollars or a delusional mentally ill personality who glories in attention. Sometimes you can combine the two!

Saw a great blog today that gave some direct and insightful points about being a ‘liberal’ i.e. Dem as opposed to ‘conservative’ i.e. Repub.

Face it America: No matter how pissed we get about the abuse and defacing of the Constitution no one will actually begin a physical rebellion. Doesn’t matter who is president either. Yep, let’s keep that Patriot Act going folks.
The People will be voted down by the same government that they have elected:  Un-Natural Single Parent Families, Goddmaned Greens, Those Homosexuals, Lazy-Ass Disability recipients, and the Stupid Welfare Unemployed because the economy is in the tank.
Yes there ARE swine that reproduce and expect government help. Don’t get me wrong. They are in the minority.
And we should use them as a food source.

I have one child and have made up to six figures (gross) in the past and paid the taxes. With NO loopholes or money knocked off. Because I didn’t make enough to take advantage of them, according to Reagan and Bush and their work to fix the tax system.
Just a small business. I paid 30% taxes off my the gross. When Clinton was president I made enough to buy my first house. These days, am below the poverty level of the government standard. And oh yeah: After a
successful run Bush economics forced me to close after 10 great and profitable years.

Despite the fact that the Constitution was instituted to make changes or correct wrongs the Repubs are ignoring that. Let’s go backwards.You know, so our grandparents can keep eating Alpo.
Apparently Roosevelt is now a socialist bastard. As opposed to the president who pulled us out of the Great Depression. Yep Sucks to live in Norway, Denmark or Sweden. Hmmmm I don’t hear any of those so-called Socialist countries yelling Help Help I’m being repressed!

Is it me or do the rabid conservatives (particularly teabaggers) JUMP on anything that they feel is a negative about the Dems or progressives?

Here’s a bit from a guy who used to be a rabid Con then switched to Dem

    Let me quote from his blog today: 

    “Then, in June of 2009, I read a Media Matters post about Michael “I’m ashamed to be Jewish” Savage, nee Michael Alan Weiner.  The day before, Mr. Weiner stated that “The white Christian heterosexual married male is the epitome of everything right with America” Oddly enough, I was disgusted by this.  And yet, Mark actually defended this piece of filth.  I believe his words were “What did he say that was wrong or untrue?”

    My mouth was literally hanging open that someone I was friends with could not immediately denounce this as one of the most offensive things a person could say.  I confronted him, with a great deal of hostility, about the underlying premise of the statement.  If the white Christian heterosexual married male is the epitome of everything”right with America then anything not fitting that description was automatically lesser.  With me being an atheist of Puerto Rican and Jewish descent, I asked him, did he think he was better than me?  And how, exactly, was he better?  He was instantly offended and avoided answering the question.  When pressed on the point he became hostile and abandoned the thread.’

    Wish that I could be as articulate as he is on the subject.

    I Get it.
    Moved to Northern Northern NORTHERN Michigan with PsychoFuck aka ex-husband Number 2.
    At Thanksgiving dinner Psychofuck’s cousin said to me –in front of my Jewish daughter- “Oh MY GOD YOU MARRIED A JEW?!!!!”
    Why yes. You inbred dimwit.

    Here’s the deal: Hate spreads hate. Ignorant people –who only read what they themselves espouse- are killing us.
    Do we need a revolution? Yeah politically. Scary despite Jefferson’s quote. But hell, can’t we all just use some kind of rational discourse? At least for 5 minutes a day?  Try it first with your pet, then move on to a sentient being.  Baby steps.

    I’m certainly not advocating the escalating -and many times cruel- situation in Egypt. But it’s surely a daydream to believe I’ll see any real change in my lifetime. I’ll keep trying in my own little ways though.

    Wish I was a Dirty Hippie. Peace dude. Even Burning Man can’t make me think that this kind of change will ever happen in this country.

    ~Miss R

Doomed I tell you

Whoa. About to add several posts today but apparently WordPress is all kinds of wrong today.  No writing in HTML, no links, or … oh wait. I can change the font color.

Ah hell I was gonna mention aliens, Elvis, Teabaggers or an ex-husband or simply Mercury in Retrograde. Also the Newest location of Batboy. Too bad you’ll never know

.

~Miss R