Annual Gluttonous Genocide Gala!

Or as we call it here in the U.S….. Thanksgiving!

rocky horror thanksgiving

I plan on celebrating with a Marie Calendar’s Pot Pie (not that kind of pot.  Just as well as there are no Doritos or Mountain Dew in the house), a few Frescas and later something stronger. Something a lot stronger. That originates in Ireland. Reminds me, there are a few beers in the fridge.
Hold on. Be right back.

Ah, that’s better. So readers eat, drink, be merry. Or if you’re Eddie Izzard be Mary -rim shot-.
For any seriously moronic people get some sleep in too.. you’ll need it. After all, come  Midnight you’ll be in line at Wal-Mart or Macy’s waiting to save that 25 cents on socks!

Miss my daughter but she’ll have a good day with her dad and old friends from High School. I plan on a good day as well.

So let’s all bless our country’s founders, their unswerving commitment to eradicating all of the indigenous people, and of course that greatest of American traditions: A parade!
Wait that’s not it. Over-Eating! yep that’s the phrase.

Pro-tip: Now is the perfect time of year to take up a new hobby. I personally recommend Bulimia.
Easy to learn, a lifetime to master.

Happy Thanksgiving!

~Miss R

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Yes but how about fat, drunk stupid and ugly?
I came across a news article today posted on the Forbes website. It lists the most obese cities in the U.S. with photos. The images take a while to wide-load. –Rimshot–.
What got me thinking was that there was an article last week about the U.S. city with the ugliest people. If memory severs correctly it was Philadelphia.
I have no idea why. You know, I was born at the Naval Hospital in Philly, although in my defense (oh god get the paper bag!) the military moved our family to Bethesda before I was a year old. Hmmmm a case of tertiary ugliness perhaps. But I digress.

According to the article Memphis ranks number one. Bummer dudes. Must be all of those peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

So this tangent started as a requiem for Thanksgiving.
Just so you’re all aware I did my part to include Reno in the Forbes survey. Sadly the gluttony quotient was not enough to nudge Memphis out of fist place. I’m thinking that we have got to be close though. Have you ever been to West Second Street Bar on the weekends? Holy Christ Batman. Tub o’ Lard galore.
Why Reno? Another question for the ages.
It’s not as if this is a totally sedentary place to live.
Hell, some of the best skiing in the world is within a 30 minute drive (love it. do it. check). Two fabulous lakes for swimming are within a 45 minutes drive including pristine Lake Tahoe (love it. do it. check). The Riverwalk is a fabulous p[lace to walk, jog and bike (love it. do it. check) and there are myriad other trails and back country trails and hikes as well.
I didn’t climb Mt. Rose this year but last year was a kick-ass hike.

Oh sure you could sit on your ass at a slot machine all day. Drink 24/7 in any bar or casino 365 days a year and never see the light of day. Hey, maybe you work an office job and feel deprived on your off hours… so you’re even more slothful than Miss R.
Difficult to believe but possible.

So why is Reno so, well obese is such a harsh word, but hell… morbidly and grotesquely fat?
Not everyone. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I suppose there are hella more cities than us to take the cake.
And eat it.

Hell I’m no Barbie. I’m not even Skipper. Actually I’m Skipper’s mom with an extra 15 pounds distributed in a gravity torn direction.
I Did eat too much on Thanksgiving.
Why Santa Claus Why?

In fact I was friggin miserable by the time I got home from a fabulous Misfit Holiday Day and Dinner. I could blame the hosts but promised not to. Dammit Amanda. You made me promise not to blame you. Evil wench!
This despite hours of amusement playing video Jeopardy (Oooh there was even a question about Boolean algebra!), surfing the net (geeks geeks geeks) and generally laughing and chatting.

It’s the piecing and picking at the goodies all day. Feta stuffed olives, Prosciutto, sharp cheese, pepper cheese, spinach dip, crispy bread, veggies, red olives, two other kinds of dip, three kinds of crackers, salami, German wines, German beers, coffee and all manner of soda aplenty.
Of course then there was dinner…
50 pounds of meat including a deep fried turkey, spiral sliced glazed ham and a wonderful roast turkey  –seriously folks-, sweet potato bake, mashed taters, gravy, fresh rolls, cranberries, stuffing, three pies…
At what point is it rude to simply cease eating and lay on your host’s couch like a goddamned lump?
Well I don’t know because I already had a food hangover and was home by 6:00 that night.

As I lay on my bed miserably contemplating the long walk requisite for the following morning I realized that I had been right along.
Food is fun.
Food is good
Food is comforting
Food is an addiction

Oh yeah two more things:
Ugly is subjective; dress provocatively and take care with your make-up
You can work that lard off too ‘ya damned Reno fatties.

Happy Holidays

The Curvy, Voluptuous yet not Obese Miss R

Currently listening:
We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
By: Modest Mouse
Release date: 20 March, 2007