It’s the End of the World Tomorrow! -Again-

It was recently announced –by some dingbat- that we no longer have to wait until 2012 to self-destruct. You know those Mayans, they never could count correctly.

Here are a few other idiot’s (read: delusional money-grabbing usually invented-their-own religion) End of the World Predictions.

Idiot Listings and predictions:

  1. 1.    Christians. The entire religion was originally built around the idea that Christ (the short Jewish Rabbi guy) would be resurrected during their lifetime. Ooops. They had to wait until the 1960’s when I was born. Hence my middle name Christine.
  1. 2.      Your friendly local Jehovah’s Witness door pounders. These guys have gotten it wrong so many times that this religion pretty much died out in the 1920’s. They’re baaaack (Knock knock. Who’s there? A pamphlet describing the earth deteriorating and hoping for the end of the world! –SLAM-). Here are the dates they have previously announced to their followers: 1914, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975 and 1994. So far. Fun Fact: the founder of this religion sold ‘Miracle Wheat’ at hugely inflated prices, promising an unearthly growth potential. Which is odd as he then asked his congregation just a few years later to join him on a mountain top. Because the world was ending.
  1. 3.      Y2K. Ah, remember the year preceding this when a huge portion of the population began to stockpile food, firearms, water and batteries? Oh, and the Internet was to be the cause of our world collapse. You couldn’t even tell these believers that changing the dates for upcoming millennium had begun at least a year prior. Not just billion dollar Wall Street and Forbes 500 corporations had already rendered a simple fix, but so did every small business owners with a brain. Me for example.
  2. 4.      Edgar C. Whisenant: Prediction was September 11-13, 1988. Okay this is sad. The poor bastard was a NASA engineer…but also a rapture nutball. He wrote two books, one covertly named ‘88 Reasons Why The Rapture is in 1988. ‘ When that Rosh Hashanah passed with no incident he recalculated his dates and numbers taken from the Bible and announced September 15. Then October 3. He kept re-calculating until his end of the world in 2001. Fun Fact: He announced “Only if the Bible is in error am I wrong; and I say that to every preacher in town.” And a LOT of people took him seriously, including The Christian Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN). The station aired special instructions on preparing for the Rapture as the end date approached.
  3. 5.      The whole Mayan prediction for next year. Seriously? The fact that a civilization that flourished between 1000 BCE to circa 400 CE even bothered to create a calendar reaching to far into the future isn’t interesting enough for you?
    There’s plenty of crap –sorry meant information- available on that floating about. Books, TV, Internet. Look it up yourself.

So, I could go on and on and on ad infinitum. These are just a TINY number and I’m only going back through the last century. There was Haley’s Comet, Hale-Bop (got your roll of quarters and arsenic ready?) and literally hundreds more. All were taken seriously by large numbers of people.

The world will end. Just not in our lifetime. Unless I decree it of course.

Tune in Later for ‘Get your Dancing Shoes On! –a playlist for any rapture or end of the world scenario you’d care to choose.

The iPod is charging up as we speak.

~Miss R

Only 5 Shopping Days Left until The Apocalypse!

For your Pre-Apocalyptic enjoyment here are a few suggestions to ease the transition.

Oh, you weren’t aware that the world was ending on the 21st? Well here’s some proof. PROOF I tell you!

If in doubt please send all of your now worthless, cash, stocks, bonds, title to your home(s) gold jewelry (We Pay Top Dollar for your old gold jewelry! Just place it in a handy envelope and Fed-Ex it to me. Hurry before the Fed Ex drivers dissipate) to me. I’ve built a specially equipped Anti-Rapture Safety bunker to keep all of your potentially worthwhile trinkets, spare chhange and Bentleys safe.

NOTE: All items may be returned if Judgement Day is cancelled due to snow, rain, ice, flooding, illness, errant arks or Acts of God. For a small fee. See contract for extra-fine small print.

Of course there are certain religions that adhere to the idea that only 144,000 of the ‘chosen’ will ascend (I’m looking at you Jehovah’s  Witnesses) and leave their jewelry, dirty diapers and 1974 Cameros propped up on cinder blocks. We can pick and choose this stuff. KNOW your neighborhoods!

The one and only ORIGINAL Looter Guy

For the rest of us Jews, atheists, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists and other pond scum all we have to do is take the next few days and study up.

TOMMOROW:

Apocalypse Tips from the folks here at Yo-Yo-Dyne!

Tips, Links and How to safely Dispose of those Pesky Earthly Shells Left Behind!



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The Artist Formerly Known As

Tinfoil Hat Guy Client has a new honorific!

I have decided that today August 28, 2007 is a holiday, and that Tinfoil Hat Guy shall be heretoforth be known as
Tinfoil AssHat guy.

Had a meeting with him yesterday. He sat there and in all seriousness told me that the spam he is receiving now is directly related to personal conversations in his house with his wife.
I swear to god you can’t make this shit up.

Have been working on his site all afternoon to try and get caught up.
Am leaving for burning man on Thursday (wish it were today!) or possibly as late as Friday. Will return Monday.
I’m so looking forward to seeing everything at BRC that I’m almost wet;
abstract art, surreal art, deviant art, fire art, body art, car art, garfunkel and art, people art, structural art.

You know what the best part is?
Telling people I’m a virgin.
Yeppers my daughter was the Immaculate Conception and that makes me…. more popular than Jesus.
Hell my middle name IS Christine.
Okay a virgin to Burning man.

So now have some fun.
Say outloud I’m A Virgin!
Do you or do you not fucking laugh?
Well my friends laugh hysterically.

Think everything is ready.
Oh hell it is.
As if My Favorite Neurotic would leave anything out or worse yet to chance.
Well except romance and love. I leave that to chance and it keeps leaving me out.

Guess it is not meant to be at this point in life yes?

Ran some last minute errands in the White-Trash-Redneck-Ugly-Ass-Way-Too-Fucking-Big-(never thought you’d hear me say that didja) -Please-Paint-Me truck this afternoon.
Since the passenger side window does not roll up there’s only so much that can be done in one trip.
Yeah. Think I’ll leave things just purchased (with money I don’t have) in an unlocked window-free vehicle.

Done working for tonight. There’s only so much hellish work that can be completed with my limited knowledge:
Dammit Jim I’m a Webmistress not a Programmer!

~Miss R

Currently listening:
Version 2.0
By: Garbage
Release date: 12 May, 1998

15 good reasons to be single and NOT a teenager

I’m happy to no longer be among the teen crowd of vile evilness that constitutes Junior High School, or as it’s called in these here parts Middle School.

To wit:
My daughter was in tears when I arrived home this afternoon.
She’s in 8th Grade, an utter geek, and painfully self-conscious, defensive, fragile and emotional. You know, just like we were at that age.
Seems that the kid who sits next to her in Advanced Chemistry, Jeremy, talked with her during class. As an aside if you have a boy named Jeremy in 8th Grade Advanced Chemistry I’m going to find you and discuss Miss Manners prior to calling in the goon squad. Sorry. Got ahead of myself in the narrative.

So my daughter has a crush on this guy, and she’s delighted he’s speaking with her, asking her questions and paying attention to her.
By the next class period (they share many of the same classes) this Jeremy kid has made it apparent that his interest in Cate was an utter ruse. Seems his girlfriend had put him up to it. He and the girlfriend biatch then proceeded to say cruel, nasty and vicious things about Cate to each class and every person in them.

Each time my daughter entered another class the other kids were laughing and making comments about her choice of perfume, etc.

When Cate confronted the douchebag (really saying his name just gives him power correct?) his response was “why did you think I was interested. Who would ever like you?”

Children are evil. Most should be killed for the good of the state. Or their pelts.
Could only console my baby by sharing my own experiences along these lines;  letting her know she’s not alone. It gets better.

Doth it not sayeth in the Good Book of Rachael…
The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth.

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