Alright Alright: New project started

Have decided to attempt an activity which may help revive and give life some slight meaning. It requires a skill set that I used to be paid for. Most times handsomely and regularly. Occasionally totally stiffed on.
Goddamned web illiterate cheap bastard loser pointless mind-changing private clients.

Due to my current physical condition, depression and attention span; which is currently less than Lizzie Borden’s (my cat who is too inbred to kill anything) this project will take at least 10x longer than the good old days. Which is why it has nothing to do with commerce either. That and a true inability to work or concentrate. Good god look there. A piece of lint on the floor! Oops sorry. Remember kids: OCD and Genius are only a tiny portion on the list of crazy that inhabit this body.

Dammit. Just remembered that the salt and pepper shakers need to be aligned on the kitchen counter as well.

Said project is a new website. Yep, used to write code, design sites, piss off clients and a huge media corporation without being fired due to a sick sense of humor, and do all the SEO as well. At one point worked as a Web Mistress for Warner Brothers before eventually moving to an Executive Producer. Then worked for private clients.

Prior to that I created, wrote the witty and catchy copy, designed graphics, leaned new codes and Flash, helped write, BETA test and used a new shopping cart software, and learned it all on my own. Remember GeoCities and a book entitled ‘HTML for Dummies?’ What the hell did I know except business, finance, music and a devout hatred, and exhaustion, of corporate culture?
Learned it all beginning in 1995 to have an e-commerce portion of Cabin Fever; the retail store(s) I owned, worked and succeeded at for 10 years.

Northern Michigan location of Cabin Fever

you wonder why I called the stores Cabin Fever? Heh.

The new site will involve a certain subject which is interesting, amusing, and in the past generated loads of emails. Most of them unintentionally hysterical. Of course the best (read ‘worst’) were culled and posted. I replied in the normal way. You know… totally slamming the writer without them realizing it. Loads of laughter ensued. From visitors who read that page of the site, but myself… of course.

That’s all I’ll say for now. Got the domain name and hosting taken care of today. Some fucktard took my old domain name during the 4 years the entire site has been down. Most of the pages for the portion which is being resurrected (It’s a miracle! Praise Flying Spaghetti Monster!) have been lost/destroyed/stolen by Ancient Astronauts and innocent victims of computer crashes.

Let’s see if it can be done shall we? And thank Mom for giving me an early birthday gift of the money to purchase the hosting  package.

Betting Pool starts today. Sign up with your local bookie. Or better yet, I’ll hold your money using an escrow type of situation. For legal purposes we’ll refer to it as the  lingerie drawer.

~Miss R

Trucks, Paperwork, Websites and No Burns

The entire inventory from my store Cabin Fever is gone now.

The remains of a ten year stretch in life. Been crying since getting back from the storage unit. Jesus. Sometimes I’m seriously pathetic.

The buyers definitely got the better end of the deal. By quite a bit.
Have to chalk it up to a loss and move on just as with everything else.
Right now I can see outside the window and look right at that eyesore of a truck.


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This Blog Has No Title

The other evening I was alone bored stressed and depressed.
Yes it sounds just like every other night in my life but what about it.

So, I decided to re-do my myspace background (stop laughing right now dammit. it’s a creative outlet) and contact box with pics from Boston.
A little Photoshop, my digital camera, a few crops, a bit of hocus-pocus and eye of Newt. Gingrich.

I just love the artwork on the headstones from the early 18th Century.
Skulls, Crossbones, Skeletons and all things morbid and reminiscent of death.

When did we, as a society, become so divorced from the reality of what comes after?

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Live! From Hades!

Spent the entire day working on Tinfoil Hat Conspiracy Guy’s website. Everything from explaining how to set up his email accounts (gag) to speaking with his hosting company to tweaking graphics for handcuffs and gas masks..
Don’t ask.

He did have the common courtesy to send me a thank you email about 30 minutes ago. He mentioned that he knew he’d taken up my entire day.
Oh well, am almost done with this project.

Sent out two resumes today to jobs I found on CL. Who knows. We’ll see what happens.

Other than that was a foray to the gym –which I have been very negligent about-, working out Someday Someway by Marshall Crenshaw on the piano (sounds pretty damned good despite my lack of talent), a 30 minute conversation with my daughter, talking with ~J about his terrible situation and sadness, and a lot of introspection and tears.
You know, the usual.

Tonight promises to bring a wealth of excitement. Friday night in Reno baby. Yes!
Lizzie Borden and I will play poker here at home till the wee hours, assuming the bitch doesn’t cheat again.

Have shaved her paws so she can’t hide that extra ace but those opposable dew claws of hers present a problem.
There’s still no TV here, nor will there be in the foreseeable future, so I am going to play DVD roulette again. This will be after taking Lizzie for all of her cash and shiny cat toys. Oh shit. She doesn’t have any cash. No pockets.

So there you have it. The high flying life of a Reno gal.
Sad isn’t it.

I miss you TK.
Have a fab weekend everyone.

Your faithful correspondent from Hades,

~Miss R

Currently listening:
Citizen Steely Dan: 1972-1980
By: Steely Dan
Release date: 14 December, 1993

hide and seek

Spent the weekend working. Will code html for food

Deadlines from a client placed me in a position of torturous stress. Slept two hours on Saturday night and was back at work on the site at 5:30 am. All told I got 6 hours of sleep over a prior 72.

This site was supposed to be fully designed, functional and up and running by the time The Oscars aired. The client had purchased air time for the broadcast on a whim Thursday night. Two days prior to this she’d said not to worry since the kick-off date for the company was pushed back another 3 weeks.
Nothing like a two day warning to raise the blood pressure.

They rejected my first design but loved the second one. I’ve still got a hell of a lot of work to do on it though. Gotta say that my design was fab until they had me add 20 paragraphs of text to the index page. Ugh.

The remaining time slaving involves setting up their shopping cart and adding 160 items, including graphics for each one (full size and thumbnail thank you very much) along with enticing descriptions of the merchandise.
Here’s the dilemma: The client runs a company for ‘Ladies Night’ parties. Guess what the products are. Oh yeah...>..>..>..>

How many adjectives can one concoct for vibrators, cock rings and other accoutrements of sexual pleasure?

Speaking of which… what’s another name for thesaurus?

I’m completing the majority of design work when my daughter’s at school or in bed (or decorating her pink slippers with Anarchy symbols) Tonight she came in while I was on the phone with TK. There was a brochure on the desk showing some rather, um, graphic images.
It’s like playing hide and seek around here. Not the fun kind either.
I thank god every day that the kid still thinks that naked people are ‘gross’.

The funniest part of the whole gig is that they are paying me half in cash (a nice stipend even though I quoted them a painfully low rate because I needed the work) and half in product.
I need to re-pen the Alanis song….

It’s like a room full of toys
When you have no boyfriend
Or a ski pass at Rose on powder days
When you have to work
Isn’t it ironic

Maybe I can get in some skiing tomorrow morning before the phone calls start from my client list.
Okay there are only two of them. Sheesh you’re picky. It’s just that I’ve always wanted to say
“I have quite the power Client List, so bring me a bottle of your finest scotch garcon.”

Have also fantasized saying
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!” as well.

Well actually I have. It’s just that they were divorce lawyers.

Speaking of lawyers.
No. Let’s not.

So assuming I make it back alive from Mt Rose tomorrow, which also presumes I’ll make it up there, I’ll have to deal with my other client. Paranoid conspiracy theorist crazy guy.
I’ve come to a bizarre realization: people will pay you to hold their hand and listen to their weird crap. All this with a BFA in music. Praise Buddha.
You can’t make this stuff up.

Am seriously considering:
a) running away from home
b) going to beauty school and doing nails and popping gum for a living
c) divesting myself of whiny needy clients.
d) taking up a kick-ass smack habit

Dear god. I might as well be married again.
At least these guys are paying ME and I’m not the one losing their shirt.

Of course with over a thousand dollars in wonderful merchandise coming my way from client number one I’d like to lose my shirt.
Dammit I’m single.

Isn’t it Ironic.

~Miss R

Listening To:

Two Worlds/ Grusin & Ritenour
By: Dave Grusin & Lee Ritenour
Release date: 12 September, 2000