Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Winner of the Week!

A Big Hello to our friends and axe wielding Viewers!

Live from our underground  bunker in an undisclosed neighborhood of Fabulous Reno Nevada, your update on the most highly rated contest now available in any media!

 The Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Contest

Unpaid Spokesperson in no way represents Rachael's actual image

Unpaid Spokesperson in no way represents Rachael’s actual image

  • Survivor?  For lazy slobs with giant televisions and no job
  • Big Brother? Could not watch an entire episode. It’s that cretinous
  • Jersey Shore? Never seen it but I hear it involves a goodly amount of tanning lotion and buttsx. Time is better spent working on my newest piece of Artwork: Filth Encrusted Used Chewing Gum and Unidentifiable Icky Things On Sneakers.

It’s Interactive too
Not Interactive in the sense of the above listed contests. You know, Vote For Your Favorite by texting IAMABOOB to Sprint at the low low cost of $3.00 per vote. *
*no longer available in Washington D.C. due to overload of communications services during episode airtime.  Re-runs currently crash the Sprint network

Turn your Internet dial to YoYo-Dyne for the newest and best of contests. Guaranteed to benefit you and your karma, but more importantly, it benefits me.

Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy!

This week’s winner is Peter M. and The Wombies! Direct from the Great White North and Wombania come Wine Gums, a treat unknown to we in the lower 48. Just in time for Wombat Day! Get out your chocolate, wine gums, pancake batter and milkshakes on October 22nd. Meet Victor and Victoria, my adopted Wombies. FREE balloons for the kids!

You know they’re Canadian. The UPS delivery guy tumbled down the concrete steps outside repeatedly shouting Thank You Sir May I Have Another after handing over the delightful package.

Last week’s winner is Gina C from The OC! What can I say but… A full fucking pound of See’s Candy. My favorite assortment. Too bad for you folks East of the Mississippi, it’s Fanny Farmer for you.

The Beaver Babe (Gina C), Piano Wench (I AM that Wench) and Pope Dirty Bastard.

The Beaver Babe (Gina C), Piano Wench (I AM that Wench) and Pope Dirty Bastard.

Don Pardo, tell them what they’ve won!

Well Rachael, our two top contestants win this Fabulous Lazy-E Boy complete living room set! Sorry, not available to residents of Canada or California .Shipping not included.

Also, potential fame and fortune for appearing as featured guests on the Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Contest!

Last, a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat! Sent to our winners in six unwieldy enormous wooden crates. Sorry winners, shipping not included.

Rachael here with thanks to Peter and the Wombies, Gina C and all of you who have sent your good wishes and positive thoughts.

We’ll end tonight’s festivities with an interpretive dance created by me, for you.

I call it ‘The Zombie Pirate Walker Boogie!’

Thanks again and we’ll see you next week for another tingling and suspense filled episode of The Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Contest!

~Miss R

-bettie page photo courtesy of

63 thoughts on “Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Winner of the Week!

  1. I’d have voted you Top Hot Mama anyway Piano Wench, even without the big to-do. Still, you won’t see me turning down a free freak show, ever. But I have to admit that even I was a little shocked at what came up when I searched the term buttsx! 😯


  2. Oh my gahd, now I just love you more! Rice-a-roni AND Lawrence Welk. I am over the moon! As for voluptuous and sexy… you are so f’ing hot in wit and humor, you can look however the hell you want to look, and I’ll still vote for you! xo


    • Oh Don, you’re so kind to me. Lost about 30 readers since my depressing ones since the diagnosis. Gained some back with the mental health posts.. and ALWAYS the funny and eccentric. Thank god you’re one of the ones who get it. So happy you enjoyed 🙂


  3. I never had See’s until my trip to San Diego. What a place! They even advised against peppermint ones as they would affect the flavor of the rest of the box on my trip back home – so they let me eat them there 😉


  4. The biggest problem with a nice Lazy-E Boy is that the Rice-A-Roni doesn’t cook itself! Hahaha… although (knowing the kind of nightmares I create in the kitchen that’s one treat that might actually be tastier right out-o-the box)!


    • Bob I tried telling that to my ex-husband (the second one). You know jackass this Rice-A-Roni doesn’t cook itself. Yet he still demanded dinner. One day I’ll tell you about the day I came home from work -this was in northern Michigan btw hahaha- and there were rodents baking in my oven. Sorry, raw Rice-A-Roni is a personal choice over baked squirrel. eeeeesh


      • That would be… hmm… that’s… hmm…
        Hahaha… you know what’s funny, I can imagine pitching an ad campaign like that to the RIce-A-Roni people… (I’m not sure that’s exactly the San Francisco treat they originally had in mind)!
        *ding ding* (That’s my trolly impression, btw).


  5. Wow I agree, keep being wicked and sexy, naughty and all the rest too 🙂 I don’t know how I missed out on this super posting but I did 😦 You should have given me one, nooooo I mean a good old fashioned elbow in the ribs or something. I love the Piano wench photograph Miss. R and you look absolutely awesome standing there with that cheeky grin on your face, and don’t think that I didn’t notice you holding the cup of plenty too, I was going to say two cups of plenty but I didn’t fancy getting my ass spike paddled for being so rude 🙂 lmao Anyway you have added a gem here Rachael, oh yes and I agree on this too… Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy!

    Be good now, like me I mean 😉 🙂

    Andro xxxx


      • Yes well I always speak the truth so get your high heels ready and a sexy outfit, noooo not for Doctor Asshole, he can bugger off after putting you through so much pain, making you jump through hoops and getting his little pr… I mean his little hypodermic syringe out. It’s Wombat Day tomorrow, well you will already know that with having a couple of adopted Wombies after your chocolates and pancakes all the time, I would be after those too, and the chocolate and pancakes, oh I already said that, anyway time for some you know what?

        So that’s three milkshakes and a double choc bar with side plated vanilla ice cream with caramel syrup, ten pancakes and a bag of wine gums for me and whatever you fancy 😉 Never mind what you are thinking, cheeky, I will let you off this time, but watch it in the future, or else? 😉 🙂

        Enjoy your evening and whatever you enjoy the most, have more 🙂 😉

        Andro xxxx


  6. Binky, Wombat Day is notated in bright red letters on my calendar! Have been spreading the word to all friends and my mom and daughter. Am FULLY stocked on wine gums, chocolate, ice cream and have a waffle iron. Need to beg mom to cook waffles tomorrow. Otherwise I’ll just have to celebrate with Victor and Victoria, two of my friends and mom with the other treats.
    Ohhhhh I am craving waffles though!


    • I suggest you have some for a bedtime snack. Waffles I mean! We have all decided to celebrate a little early here. There’s just too many treats to be crammed into one day!

      Oh, and triple chocolate waffles or pancakes are they only way to go! That’s chocolate batter with chocolate chips topped with chocolate syrup!


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