A Big Hello to our friends and axe wielding Viewers!
Live from our underground bunker in an undisclosed neighborhood of Fabulous Reno Nevada, your update on the most highly rated contest now available in any media!
The Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Contest
Unpaid Spokesperson in no way represents Rachael’s actual image
- Survivor? For lazy slobs with giant televisions and no job
- Big Brother? Could not watch an entire episode. It’s that cretinous
- Jersey Shore? Never seen it but I hear it involves a goodly amount of tanning lotion and buttsx. Time is better spent working on my newest piece of Artwork: Filth Encrusted Used Chewing Gum and Unidentifiable Icky Things On Sneakers.
It’s Interactive too
Not Interactive in the sense of the above listed contests. You know, Vote For Your Favorite by texting IAMABOOB to Sprint at the low low cost of $3.00 per vote. *
*no longer available in Washington D.C. due to overload of communications services during episode airtime. Re-runs currently crash the Sprint network
Turn your Internet dial to YoYo-Dyne for the newest and best of contests. Guaranteed to benefit you and your karma, but more importantly, it benefits me.
Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy!
This week’s winner is Peter M. and The Wombies! Direct from the Great White North and Wombania come Wine Gums, a treat unknown to we in the lower 48. Just in time for Wombat Day! Get out your chocolate, wine gums, pancake batter and milkshakes on October 22nd. Meet Victor and Victoria, my adopted Wombies. FREE balloons for the kids!
You know they’re Canadian. The UPS delivery guy tumbled down the concrete steps outside repeatedly shouting Thank You Sir May I Have Another after handing over the delightful package.
Last week’s winner is Gina C from The OC! What can I say but… A full fucking pound of See’s Candy. My favorite assortment. Too bad for you folks East of the Mississippi, it’s Fanny Farmer for you.
The Beaver Babe (Gina C), Piano Wench (I AM that Wench) and Pope Dirty Bastard.
Don Pardo, tell them what they’ve won!
Well Rachael, our two top contestants win this Fabulous Lazy-E Boy complete living room set! Sorry, not available to residents of Canada or California .Shipping not included.
Also, potential fame and fortune for appearing as featured guests on the Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Contest!
Last, a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat! Sent to our winners in six unwieldy enormous wooden crates. Sorry winners, shipping not included.
Rachael here with thanks to Peter and the Wombies, Gina C and all of you who have sent your good wishes and positive thoughts.
We’ll end tonight’s festivities with an interpretive dance created by me, for you.
I call it ‘The Zombie Pirate Walker Boogie!’
Thanks again and we’ll see you next week for another tingling and suspense filled episode of The Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy Contest!
~Miss R
-bettie page photo courtesy of burymeinthisdress.com-
YoYo-Dyne Propulsion Labs: Reno Division 
I’m glad we could keep you, um, healthy.
Now I’m going to have to move to get that Lazy-E Boy set!
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Binky,
did I mention it’s Tru-Coated in Genuine Imitation Naugahyde?
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Is there any other kind? I prefer mine in black.
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I won’t be seen in any other color!
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u r a shining example of Dada. xo continue…and continue…
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Tony, any comment from you is an accolade.
Now I’m thinking of changing my Burning Man name to Lady Dada next year,
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I’d have voted you Top Hot Mama anyway Piano Wench, even without the big to-do. Still, you won’t see me turning down a free freak show, ever. But I have to admit that even I was a little shocked at what came up when I searched the term buttsx! 😯
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Awwwww thanks Mak. Been trolling your site -have to see the new Star Trek movie now. Am only now able to type for longer and the verbosity is ratcheted up.
Can’t imagine what came up on the buttsx search. Still laughing over that one.
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JUST saw the image on your link hahahahahaha
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You do know I only searched for that because of what you said about Jersey Shore? 😉
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You’ll get Voluptuous and Sexy Winner of the Year too! I’ll vote early and often! (It’s what we do in politics)
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Ahmnodt, your satiric and hysterical comments never fail to slay me!
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Rice-A-Roni bwahahahahahahahahaahahaha. If you don’t cook it right you get crunchy bits 😉
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Too true! Ick!
This was actually a REAL prize offered on a TV game show during the 60’s thru the 80’s. Except for the one time delivery in crates of course.
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I remember that! Don’t remember which show.
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Me either Binky. Think it was hosted by Bob Barker. Could Google it. just to set my mind at ease. See you at the Wombat Day festivities!!
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Price is Right?
Wombat Day IX planning is in full swing. No expenses will be spared.
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Price is right with Bob Barker! you win AGAIN Binky.
Will be celebrating Wombat Day in style. Entire bag of wine gums, pancake mix, LOTS of chocolate and of course my milkshakes bring all the Wombies to the yard 🙂
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If you’re not careful, you’ll be overrun with all the local Wombies looking for a good time! I guess it could be worse. Put up a sign to tell them to bring their own wine gums. You don’t have enough to share with all of them.
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Oh my gahd, now I just love you more! Rice-a-roni AND Lawrence Welk. I am over the moon! As for voluptuous and sexy… you are so f’ing hot in wit and humor, you can look however the hell you want to look, and I’ll still vote for you! xo
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PS) that was a sincere “xo,” not one of those fake ones, not one of those air kisses and hugs, that some less real people use… no sirree, the real thing!
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You are the pinnacle of sincerity, except for the sarcasm of course heh. Thank you my friend and hugs back atcha!
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You just can’t take the sarcasm out of this girl… but you have me pegged. 😉
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Oh, we’re just too much alike girlfriend heh. without sarcasm where would the world be? Except filled with Wal-Marts and their denizens. If we were to appear though we be under appreciated. The joys of being a misanthrope our ours for the taking!
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Okay, you are the current front runner for next week. I consume flattery faster than a box of bon bons. I am SO happy we met. Damn, love your enjoyment of the absurd.
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My middle name is absurd. Really… I am not kidding.
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My middle name is mud. When at conventions always put that on my name tag:
Hello! My name is Mud!
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THAT, is good! 😉
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I try
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Do wombats play parcheesi?
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Only with real Cheezies. Yet another great food you don’t get in America, apparently.
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Now I want some of those, Cheezies!! A little Cheezie Teasie!
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Are Cheezies the same as Cheez-its in the States? if so they’re referred to at my house as Crack heh
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Had to look that up. No, Cheezies are more like Cheez Doodles or Cheetos. Cheezies are relatively soft. I think some of yours are a lot harder and crunchier.
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Cheez Doodles! Staple of the Internet addict heh. Yes, they are soft and puffy.. Actually love them… but the cheese gets all over my fingers and keyboard. Not that the keyboard isn’t comprised partially of chocolate shards and cookie crumbs.
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That’s the same with Cheezies. The price one has to pay for snack satisfaction.
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Haven’t tried that yet. Mine are pretty bad at Scrabble though, despite the opposable thumbs.
Shouldn’t take this much joy from snatching a victory from my Wombies. Well, i did with my daughter and that turned out okay. Until they grow up…
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Actually, opossum are HUGE fans of Jenga.
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What I love about the blogosphere is learning something new every day!
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Um…I’m pretty sure you manage to do voluptuous all on your own.
But well take you any way we can get you.
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EG you’re a doll. all the PT has made my legs all kinds of hot and sexy again. Yeah baby. The belly weight is moving into better position as well. Sadly, still have to purchase the bras from NASA.
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Wonderful post. Love the writing, and kudos to you… 🙂 xx
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Oh Don, you’re so kind to me. Lost about 30 readers since my depressing ones since the diagnosis. Gained some back with the mental health posts.. and ALWAYS the funny and eccentric. Thank god you’re one of the ones who get it. So happy you enjoyed 🙂
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I just glad to see you posting again!
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Thank you sweets. Of course as soon as I posted this health and managing a move took me away from my usual blatherings
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It happens … just do what you can.
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A worthy cause if ever there was one!
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Hook, you rawk!
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I never had See’s until my trip to San Diego. What a place! They even advised against peppermint ones as they would affect the flavor of the rest of the box on my trip back home – so they let me eat them there 😉
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Ermahgerd See’s is the bomb. Grew up in LA and after moving to New York had to prostrate myself,via photographs, to family and friends to obtain a box in the mail. Love the idea of being force fed their candy as you were in the store heh
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All the godivas and tiny cupcake places in NYC together cannot equal one See’s.
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The biggest problem with a nice Lazy-E Boy is that the Rice-A-Roni doesn’t cook itself! Hahaha… although (knowing the kind of nightmares I create in the kitchen that’s one treat that might actually be tastier right out-o-the box)!
🙂
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Bob I tried telling that to my ex-husband (the second one). You know jackass this Rice-A-Roni doesn’t cook itself. Yet he still demanded dinner. One day I’ll tell you about the day I came home from work -this was in northern Michigan btw hahaha- and there were rodents baking in my oven. Sorry, raw Rice-A-Roni is a personal choice over baked squirrel. eeeeesh
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That would be… hmm… that’s… hmm…
Hahaha… you know what’s funny, I can imagine pitching an ad campaign like that to the RIce-A-Roni people… (I’m not sure that’s exactly the San Francisco treat they originally had in mind)!
*ding ding* (That’s my trolly impression, btw).
🙂
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Wow I agree, keep being wicked and sexy, naughty and all the rest too 🙂 I don’t know how I missed out on this super posting but I did 😦 You should have given me one, nooooo I mean a good old fashioned elbow in the ribs or something. I love the Piano wench photograph Miss. R and you look absolutely awesome standing there with that cheeky grin on your face, and don’t think that I didn’t notice you holding the cup of plenty too, I was going to say two cups of plenty but I didn’t fancy getting my ass spike paddled for being so rude 🙂 lmao Anyway you have added a gem here Rachael, oh yes and I agree on this too… Keep Rachael Voluptuous and Sexy!
Be good now, like me I mean 😉 🙂
Andro xxxx
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Andro, I always endeavor to be good like you -grin-. You are my hero in all things dark and delightful. Thank you for the compliments my dear. Can never get enough of those 😉
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Yes well I always speak the truth so get your high heels ready and a sexy outfit, noooo not for Doctor Asshole, he can bugger off after putting you through so much pain, making you jump through hoops and getting his little pr… I mean his little hypodermic syringe out. It’s Wombat Day tomorrow, well you will already know that with having a couple of adopted Wombies after your chocolates and pancakes all the time, I would be after those too, and the chocolate and pancakes, oh I already said that, anyway time for some you know what?
So that’s three milkshakes and a double choc bar with side plated vanilla ice cream with caramel syrup, ten pancakes and a bag of wine gums for me and whatever you fancy 😉 Never mind what you are thinking, cheeky, I will let you off this time, but watch it in the future, or else? 😉 🙂
Enjoy your evening and whatever you enjoy the most, have more 🙂 😉
Andro xxxx
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No posts in almost a month! You can’t disappear before Wombat Day! We will find you!
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Binky, Wombat Day is notated in bright red letters on my calendar! Have been spreading the word to all friends and my mom and daughter. Am FULLY stocked on wine gums, chocolate, ice cream and have a waffle iron. Need to beg mom to cook waffles tomorrow. Otherwise I’ll just have to celebrate with Victor and Victoria, two of my friends and mom with the other treats.
Ohhhhh I am craving waffles though!
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I am always waffling on about this, that and the other
so if you need some waffles, then I’m your man 🙂 lmao
Andro xxxx
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Andro I can always count on you for the random joke hehehe
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I suggest you have some for a bedtime snack. Waffles I mean! We have all decided to celebrate a little early here. There’s just too many treats to be crammed into one day!
Oh, and triple chocolate waffles or pancakes are they only way to go! That’s chocolate batter with chocolate chips topped with chocolate syrup!
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Need new lazy-boy right away. Send two, with you in one of them. 🙂
Great to see Rach! 🙂
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